Recap on this blog

Just a quick update on what’s going on here.

This year has seen me expand out onto other sites and expand on the original fiction I have been producing too. However a drawback is that I have been spending less time on this blog and as a result some of my current series are all over the place.

I am creating a shared universe or rather multiverse which I will call the Burunverse for clarity. To date there are 7 series in the Burunverse. I realise that is a lot to take on at once, but I am determined to devote as much time as I can to this project.

At the same time however I don’t want to see this blog go by the wayside, so I will try and make sure I have enough time for this blog.

For the forseeable there will only be a certain amount of series on this blog however. I felt it was best to let regular readers know here as this blog has become somewhat scattershot recently.

Non fiction series on this blog

The Horseshoe Effect Series

My Favourite Heroes

What Ruined Doctor Who

Top 30 Monsters from each franchise

Fiction series on this blog

The Circus Master

Professor Fang

Doctor Who: An Alternate Sequel Series

Devil’s World

The Savage Era

King Kong

All series will be released sporadically due the massive workload, but there will be at least two episodes of each every month.

If you are interested in my fiction you can also find other series on my Webnovel page such as

The Mysterious Mr Diassa

The Monster Club


What Ruined Doctor Who: Part 3: Disregarding the Doctors character

Happy Birthday Maxil DqiEY10X0AEYvDJDoctor Who: William Hartnell 'didn't want to play Doctor Who' says ...

Who would have thought that one day, William Hartnell would be inspiring lesbian drawings. (Note: I’m not having a go at the person who did the drawing which is fine. Just the Fitzroy Crowd who created the absurd situation where Bill Hartnell can be a lesbian icon.)

In the previous two entries of this series we debunked the “Doctor Who is all about change, all change is good” arguments and established that there is an identity to the Doctor, and that continuity mattered in Classic Who to some extent (as continuity isn’t just a nerd obsession, but a facet of story telling.)

In this article we will be taking a look at how the 21st century series disregarded as many of the time honoured and defining traits of the Doctor from the start, until they have ultimately completely destroyed the Doctor as a character.

His motivation

In the Classic era the Doctor it was established from the beginning was a rebel among his people. He had stolen a time machine and wanted to live life by his own rules.

When you think about it, the Doctor has the best life imaginable. Far from being a tortured, angsty character like Angel, the Doctor is the ultimate escapist character.

He lives in a magic box that has all the food, comforts and entertainment he could ever possibly need. He doesn’t need to worry about paying the bills, running out of food. It’s all provided for him by his marvellous TARDIS that will never run down.

On top of that he can visit any period of time he wants. He can hang around with all the cool people from history, stir up trouble wherever he likes and never have to answer to anyone.

On top of all of that when he gets too old, he can just renew himself and become younger and stronger again. (Well he can at least 12 times.)

In stark contrast to characters like Buffy and Spider-Man, the Doctor is a character devoid of all everyday worries. We’d all live his life if we could.

The Doctor also is a scientist who wants to explore the universe and discover it’s secrets. He want’s to be the first to set foot on new planets, to discover new species, new cultures.

Even before we knew about the Time Lord’s this was still the character’s main motivation for travelling. In the first Dalek story, the Doctor memorably risks all of his friends lives just to explore a city he knows nothing about.

Later stories similarly show the Doctor risking his, his friends and even in Susan’s case his family’s lives simply to satisfy his curiosity.

DOCTOR: What is it, Chesterton? We really must get back to
(From the edge of the petrified jungle they can see across a plain to a city)
DOCTOR: Most fascinating.
BARBARA: A city, a huge city.
(The Doctor puts on a pair of binocular glasses)
IAN: Well, Doctor? Can you see anything? Any sign of life?
DOCTOR: No, no, no sign of life. No, just buildings. Magnificent buildings, I
SUSAN: Oh, let me have a look. It’s fabulous. Here, you have a look.
(Barbara takes her turn)
IAN: What do you think, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I don’t know, I don’t know. Whatever it was destroyed the vegetation here certainly hasn’t damaged the city. But there’s no sign of life. No movement, no light, no. No, I shall know more about it when I’ve been down there.
BARBARA: Down there? Oh, no. We’re going back to the ship.
DOCTOR: Now, don’t be ridiculous. That city down there is a magnificent subject for study, and I don’t intend to leave here until I’ve thoroughly investigated it.
IAN: Well it’s too late to talk about it now. It’s getting dark. We’ll discuss it when we get back to the ship.
SUSAN: Yes. Whatever you decide, it’s too late to get down there now.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, all right then. But I assure you I’m determined to study that place.
IAN: You can do what you like, as long as you don’t endanger the rest of us.
DOCTOR: Very well then. I shall look at it myself, alone.
IAN: You’re the only one who can operate the ship. I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Doctor. Your glasses.
(Walking back through the jungle)


DOCTOR: Yes, yes, that explains a lot of things, doesn’t it. A jungle turned to stone, the barren soil and the fact that we’re not feeling well.
IAN: Radiation sickness?
DOCTOR: Yes, I’m afraid so. The atmosphere here is polluted with a very high level of fallout, and we’ve been walking around in it completely unprotected.
IAN: What? But how do you explain the buildings? They’re intact.
DOCTOR: A neutron bomb. Yes. It destroys all human tissue, but leaves the buildings and machinery intact. Yes.
IAN: What? But how much radiation, and how badly?
DOCTOR: We need, we need drugs to be treated.
IAN: But where are we going to find them?
SUSAN: The Tardis will have to take us to another time and place where we can be cured.
IAN: But don’t you remember? We can’t move the ship until we find the mercury for the fluid link!
DOCTOR: For the fluid link, yes. Yes, I’m afraid I cheated a little on that. I was determined to see the city, but everybody wanted to go on and, well, to avoid arguments, in short, there’s nothing wrong with the fluid link.
SUSAN: What? Grandfather, do you mean to say that you risked leaving the ship just to see this place?
IAN: You fool. You old fool!

BARBARA: Oh, I ache all over. I have difficulty in keeping my eyes open.
IAN: Yes, I’m about the same. All his fault! Had to have his own way, see the city.
BARBARA: Oh, Ian, that doesn’t help.

In Tomb of the Cybermen the Doctor similarly walks into both the Cybermen and Kleegs trap because he was curious.

JAMIE: You know, Doctor, I have a feeling that man’s planned it all. He knew that that control wouldn’t open the hatch.
DOCTOR: So did I, Jamie.
JAMIE: You knew, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I wanted to know what he was up to.
KLIEG: And now you know, Doctor.

In The Caves of Androzani meanwhile, the Doctor get’s himself and Peri into trouble simply because he’s curious. It always makes me laugh when New Who fans cite Caves as an example of how selfless the Doctor is, when in actual fact it’s a prime example of his selfishness. The Doctor does go through hell to save Peri, it’s true, but that’s only to make up for dragging her here in the first place.

PERI: So you got a merit badge in tracking when you were a boy scout. I’m suitably impressed. Can we go now?
DOCTOR: Er, one moment. Looks as if the tracks lead to those caves over there.
PERI: Is this wise, I ask myself? Oh well.
(They follow the tracks some way.)
DOCTOR: Ah, blow holes.
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Now we’re near you can see they’re not caves, they’re blow holes.
PERI: Well, same difference.
DOCTOR: Not to a speleologist. And not if you’re stuck in one of those things at high tide.
PERI: High tide? I thought you said that
DOCTOR: It’s a figure of speech. You see, the core of this planet is superheated primeval mud. When its orbit takes it close to Androzani Major, the gravitational pull
PERI: Oh, I get the picture. Mud baths for everyone. Well, it’s a change from lava.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Presumably why the planet was never colonised. Androzani Major was becoming quite developed the last time I passed this way.
PERI: When was that?
DOCTOR: I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the future.
PERI: You’re a very confusing person to be with, Doctor, you know that?

The Doctor’s desire to simply play by his own rules somewhat paradoxically made him a straight forward character, yet also quite a complex one too.

On the one hand he isn’t a tormented, conflicted character. He enjoys his life, he knows what he wants out of it, he isn’t on a mission to rid the universe of evil etc. He never sets out to be a hero, but because he is deep down a good person, whenever he sees something unjust or wrong, he will feel compelled to stop it.

On the other hand however the very thing that motivates the Doctor to travel in the first place, can also make him somewhat selfish and unlikable too. His willingness to explore means that he is often willing to risk both himself and his friends lives. On the one hand he can be seen as a rebel, who want’s to live life by his own means, on the other he can also be seen as a lazy hedonist, who shirks all responsibility.

His selfishness can even get in the way of wanting to help people. In many stories the Doctor has to be forced into helping people. (Which is quite unusual for a hero in a mainstream series.)

A lot of the time the Doctor just wants to relax and have a nice time, but some higher power like the Time Lords, the White Guardian etc, will have to take control of his TARDIS, or threaten him with torture and even death to force him to do the right thing.

The 1st Doctor

BARBARA: Ian, wait a minute. The Doctor’s miles behind. I don’t know about you, but I felt terrible leaving that old man. We seem to be his last hope.
IAN: Yes, I wish there had been something we could have done for him.
SUSAN: Oh, come on, Grandfather.
DOCTOR: I’m coming, child. Don’t rush, I’m coming. Well, don’t just stand there, come along, come along. Keeping me waiting.
(He tries to put the key in the Tardis lock, but something is forming a barrier a couple of inches away from it)
BARBARA: What is it?
IAN: Well, it’s some sort of invisible barrier. What do you make of it, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I don’t know. I don’t know. There’s no substance here. Have a look round the side, child. Go along.
BARBARA: It’s like an invisible wall.
DOCTOR: Is it a circular barrier?
SUSAN: Goes all the way round. Can’t see a cause to it.
DOCTOR: No, of course, there wouldn’t be. The molecules would be at their weakest. Ha! It’s fascinating, Chesterton. Yes, I’ve got it, I’ve got it. You know, I think a force barrier has been put up around the ship.
ARBITAN [OC]: I am sorry you forced me to keep you from your ship, but your refusal to help me left me no alternative.
IAN: Arbitan, where are you?
ARBITAN [OC]: That is not important. If you help me find the keys of Marinus, I will let you have access to your machine when you have delivered all the keys to me. If not, you will stay on the island without food or water. The choice is yours.
IAN: Choice? What choice?

The 4th Doctor

DOCTOR: Messing about with my Tardis. Dragging us a thousand parsecs off course.
SARAH: Oi, have you gone potty? Who are you shouting at?
DOCTOR: The Time Lords, who else? Now, you see? You see? They haven’t even got the common decency to come out and show their ears.
SARAH: They’re probably afraid of getting them boxed, the way you’re carrying on.
DOCTOR: It’s intolerable. I won’t stand for any more of it.
SARAH: Oh look, why can’t it have just gone wrong again?
SARAH: The Tardis.
DOCTOR: What? Do you think I don’t know the difference between an internal fault and an external influence? Oh, no, no, no. There’s something going on here, some dirty work they won’t touch with their lily white hands. Well, I won’t do it, do you hear!

GUARDIAN: There are times, Doctor, when the forces within the universe upset the balance to such an extent that it becomes necessary to stop everything.
DOCTOR: Stop everything?
GUARDIAN: For a brief moment only.
GUARDIAN: Until the balance is restored. Such a moment is rapidly approaching. These segments must be traced and returned to me before it is too late, before the Universe is plunged into eternal chaos.
DOCTOR: Eternal chaos?
GUARDIAN: Eternal as you understand the term.
DOCTOR: Look, I’m sure there must be plenty of other Time Lords who’d be delighted to
GUARDIAN: I have chosen you.
DOCTOR: Yes, I was afraid you’d say something like that. Ah! You want me to volunteer, isn’t that it?
GUARDIAN: Precisely.
DOCTOR: And if I don’t?
GUARDIAN: Nothing.
DOCTOR: Nothing? You mean nothing will happen to me?
GUARDIAN: Nothing at all. Ever.

The Doctor only ever does things on his own terms, from travelling to saving the universe! Ask him to do anything and it becomes a chore. He will happily stop the Daleks if he feels it’s an old problem he needs to take care of like in Remembrance. He will happily save the world if he lands somewhere on his own violation. Send him on a mission however and he will refuse to do it.

This is what ultimately made the character unique. (How many heroes do you think would not want to help if they were told the whole universe was in danger?) The Doctor more stumbles his way into being a hero, unlike say Buffy who is the chosen one, or Xena and Batman who are on a mission to help the helpless.

The Doctor’s anti establishment nature can make him both an admirable figure, who on the one hand never bows to authority, yet on the other it can make him a childish, selfish git.

Sadly however in New Who they completely changed his motivation.

In the Davies era it is established that the Doctor’s people, the Time Lord’s were killed off in a war with the Daleks.

Right away this removed the Doctor’s status as a rebel among his people. Now he was travelling simply because his people were gone, rather than because he wanted too.

The Deadly Assassin (Classic Who story)

(Engin and the Doctor walk past a long case clock and on to the Tardis.)
ENGIN: You know, Doctor, if you wanted to stay (on Gallifrey), I’m sure any past difficulties could be overlooked.
DOCTOR: But I like it out there, thank you very much.

The End of The World (New Who)

DOCTOR: You think it’ll last forever, people and cars and concrete, but it won’t. One day it’s all gone. Even the sky. My planet’s gone. It’s dead. It burned like the Earth. It’s just rocks and dust before its time.
ROSE: What happened?
DOCTOR: There was a war and we lost.
ROSE: A war with who? What about your people?
DOCTOR: I’m a Time Lord. I’m the last of the Time Lords. They’re all gone. I’m the only survivor. I’m left travelling on my own ‘cos there’s no one else.


See what I mean? Right away a big part of what made the Doctor unique is flushed down the toilet.

As a result of being the last of his kind, in the revival the Doctor actually hates his life. He travels simply because there is nowhere for him to go. In contrast to the classic era, he would love to have somewhere to settle down and have children, but sadly there is no one he can do that with now.

See here.

DOCTOR: How did all this get started?
STUART: Outside the Beatbox Club, two in the morning.
SARAH: Street corner. I’d lost my purse, didn’t have money for a taxi.
STUART: I took her home.
DOCTOR: Then what? Asked her for a date?
SARAH: Wrote his number on the back of my hand.
STUART: Never got rid of her since. My dad said.
SARAH: I don’t know what this is all about, and I know we’re not important.
DOCTOR: Who said you’re not important? I’ve travelled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn’t even imagine, but you two. Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that. Yes. I’ll try and save you.

DOCTOR: Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. You’re dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you’ve gone missing. You’re on a list of the dead. Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.

Now let’s compare that to the Doctor from the Classic era.

My truth is in the stars and yours is here

Steven Moffat would mess around with the Doctor’s motivation to an even greater extent in series 9 of New Who when it was revealed that the Doctor ran away from Gallifrey, because of a prophecy that scared him about a hybrid.

This makes no sense in relation to the rest of Doctor Who. Why did he never do anything about the Hybrid or the prophecy for years? Also why if he was so scared of dying, did he constantly throw himself into the most dangerous situations around the universe?

The worst retcon of the revival to the Doctor’s origins however came in the Chibnall era. Here it was revealed that the Doctor wasn’t actually a Time Lord. The Doctor was an alien from another universe, called the Timeless Child who had the power to constantly regenerate. The Timeless Child was found by a native Gallifreyan called Tecteun after entering our universe. Teceteun then took the Timeless Child back to Gallifrey, where after performing experiments on her (yes her) she was able to splice the power of regeneration onto everyone on Gallifrey, creating the Time Lords.

The Timeless Child would then be brainwashed into being part of a special agency for the Time Lords to fight evil across the universe. Every time the Child would reach it’s 13th life, it’s memories would be wiped and it would be regressed to being a child. Each time however it’s personality would be programmed to become a renegade. The cycle of 12 regenerations from Hartnell to Capaldi, was merely the latest in a line of several billion Doctors. (Rassilon states that Time Lord society is several Billion years old, and so therefore there have been Billions of Doctors.)

This completely robs the Doctor of any agency he had as a character. Ironically where as before he was an individualist character (in both a good and a bad way.) Now he is merely a brainwashed tool of the very establishment he rallied against. At the same time it also makes the Doctor too special in the wrong way.

Before the Doctor was always on the surface, just another Time Lord. He was a bumbling oaf in some ways who made mistakes, stumbled his way into problems, never knew when to quit. Ultimately however what made him special was the fact that he was more adventurous than other Time Lords, had a greater desire for discovery, and over the course of his travels had accumulated knowledge they lacked, and by necessity developed greater improvisational skills.

In short it was because of who he was, not WHAT he was. The same is true of every worthwhile hero. Batman is a hero because of how he chooses to react to his parents murder. Even characters like Buffy, Spider-Man and Superman who are heroes because of their powers, it’s still how they choose to use them. (Compare Buffy for instance to the two other Slayers around her, Kendra and Faith, both of whom are nowhere near as effective despite being as strong because of their personalities.)

Thanks to Chibnall’s ridiculous retcon however, the Doctor is now only special because of what he is, IE a mysterious alien from another universe with unlimited powers, whilst everything about his personality has been created by the Time Lords.

Everything that made the Doctor unique (the fact that he was quite a selfish hedonist, with a heart, or hearts of gold, the fact that he was a reluctant hero, the fact that he was an underdog who managed to be important simply because of his own curiosity etc.) Has been thrown in the bin, simply in order to make the Doctor a more conventional hero (the last of his kind, the chosen one etc.) Whilst ironically all of his agency and development has also been tossed out of the window, as now he was always brainwashed into being a hero by the Time Lords.

His Maturity

The Doctor was one of the few leading characters to be portrayed as an older man. Most action heroes naturally are younger, but even most cerebral heroes like Sherlock Holmes are still reasonably young.

It’s a cliche, but it’s still true that not many people want to see stories about older characters. In this respect Hartnell’s Doctor was quite a stand out, even by today’s standards.

Whilst the Doctor would later be made physically younger, (though not always. Pertwee was actually older in his last season than Hartnell when he started.) The character was still always written as an old man in a young man’s body.

As the Doctors were all meant to be the same person as one another, then naturally Troughton would still have Hartnell’s expeirences and outlook on life even if he was physically made younger. Even Peter Davison who was in his 20s still played the role as an old man in a young mans body.

It’s true that the Doctor could be immature, with both Pertwee and Tom Bakers Doctors stating that they like being childish. Still even then the Doctors immaturity in some cases could also be linked with his great age too.

When we first meet the Doctor in Hartnell’s time, whilst he’s still young for a Time Lord, by our standard he has lived a full life. He has been married, had a family, raised children, seen them go off have lives of their own, even have children on their own. He’s also been through the worst loss a person can live through.

It’s never outright stated, but it is strongly implied throughout the Classic era that the Doctors family died at some point before he left Gallifrey.

It’s the only explanation that makes sense based on the few scant details we know about the Time Lords life.

To start with his granddaughter Susan is in his care. Remember that Susan is just 15 years old in her first story, and is meant to have been travelling with the Doctor for many, many years. With this in mind it doesn’t seem likely that the Doctor would steal a small child away from his own son or daughter, and then never tell them what happened to her.

Furthermore whenever the Doctor goes back to Gallifrey his family are never mentioned. Fair enough he may be on bad terms with them, but still you’d think they would be interested when he is put on trial for, breaking the laws of Gallifrey, killing the President, carrying out a genocide etc. (Even more so if Susan’s parents don’t know what happened to her.) You’d think they’d be called forward as character witnesses at least, but they are never even given so much as a mention.

Finally the only time the Doctor mentions his family directly is in The Tomb of the Cybermen, where the Doctor talks about them in the past sense and relates to Victoria losing her father, which more or less confirms they are dead.

With this in mind it seems obvious that the Doctor always wanted to explore the universe, but like a lot of people, put his crazy dream aside when he fell in love with whoever his wife was, and raised a family.

He had a normal life for years back on Gallifrey that he loved, but sadly in some accident, natural disaster, revolution, or perhaps an alien invasion of Gallifrey, his wife and children were killed, and Susan fell into his care.

Afterwards the Doctor then decided to finally live out his crazy dream, as no one could replace his wife and children and his work in exploring the universe keeps him going. (Added to that many of his companions can also fill the whole left in his life from his children, and later Susan.)

It also explains ironically why he can be so childish, as ultimately the Doctor feels he has already lived a normal life, raised a family, and therefore should be allowed to just do what he wants now.

As a result of this the Doctor was a very mature character when it came to coping with loss, and life’s hardships.

Throughout the entirety of Classic Who, we never see the Doctor let his emotions cloud his better judgement (unless it’s his curiosity) or completely lose his cool.

He isn’t emotionless like Mr Spock. We do see him get angry, shout, get visibly upset, but he never completely loses his cool, and say risks everybody’s lives because of his seething hatred of the Daleks. Whenever he loses someone close to him, he never completely breaks down into floods of tears and loses the will to go on.

Examples of this include his reaction to Katarina, Sara Kingdom and Adric’s deaths as well as Jo Grant and Peri’s apparent deaths. In all instances the Doctor is devastated but keeps a level head. Peter Davison rejects his companions ideas of going back and saving Adric because it will change history, the Third Doctor turns Jo Grants final message that she left him into a weapon against the Dalek, and whilst in Katarina’s case the Doctor remains focused against the Daleks.

Much like his rebellious nature, the Doctors maturity and great age could be both a negative and positive trait.

At certain points it could make the Doctor feel like a safe, comforting presence such as in Tomb of the Cybermen. He was a character who knew all of life’s problems and hardships, and could help his younger companions and even to some extent the younger audience through coping with loss.

On the other hand however, the Doctors level headed, practical nature at times could come off as very cold and distant.

On the flipside of his touching moment with Victoria about her fathers death, is his callous reaction to Lawrence Scarman’s death at his brothers hands in Pyramids of Mars which both shocks and horrifies Sarah Jane.

Sadly once again this defining aspect of the Doctors character was all but jettisoned from the 21st century series.

The New Series Doctor is generally portrayed as an emotionally fragile, and very immature character. In stark contrast to his Classic series predecessor, he almost never keeps his cool, allows his emotions to constantly cloud his judgement and can never cope with loss of any kind.

Examples include, in Dalek when the Doctor goes so insane he plans to gun down a helpless Dalek mutant, and has to be pulled back by Rose. In The Runaway Bride, after losing Rose, the Doctor goes so insane that he carries out a genocide and had it not been for Donna, would have killed himself. (Bare in mind that unlike Adric, or Sara, Rose isn’t even dead. Yes it’s very sad for the Doctor that he can’t see her again, but at least Rose is living a fabulous life in a big mansion somewhere, unlike poor old Adric who was blown to a million pieces. Evidently however the 5th Doctor despite being younger is able to cope a lot better.)

The 11th Doctor is no better as after losing Amy and Rory he has a complete mental breakdown and quits being the Doctor for a long while, whilst the 12th Doctor after losing Clara, willingly undergoes 4 and a half billion years worth of torture and risks destroying the entire universe and shoots an unarmed man, simply because he can’t cope with her death.

In fact the new series makes a point of having the Doctor not being able to cope with death, from River’s “he doesn’t like endings” to 10’s trying to save Astrid when she is clearly beyond saving “I CAN DO ANYTHING” to 12 being lectured by Ashildr on how to accept loss.

This scene is literally the polar opposite to the Doctor comforting Victoria. Why is it that 12, who is thousands of years older than 2 is so much worse at accepting loss?

Overall it seemed to me like Russell T Davies was desperate to rewrite the Doctor into being a younger Peter Parker, Buffy style hero that young boys watching the show could relate to.

Hence the Tenth Doctor engaging in a romance with a young character like Rose, his telling Wilfred Mott that he would be proud if he was his dad etc.

A youtuber by the moniker of Channel Pup recently said that he feels a female Doctor would work as in his mind the character of Buffy was already a female counterpart to the Doctor.

Now Channel Pup is primarily a New Who fan. I’ve enjoyed some of his videos and I have nothing against him personally. (In fact I even invited him to write for my alternate sequel series, but sadly nothing came of it.)

I didn’t like Channel Pup’s attack on Bowlestrek. I feel it was nasty and hypocritical. (Channel Pup complained that the Doctor Who fandom, collectively wasn’t showing enough kindness whilst telling Bowlestrek he looked like a cinema masterbator!)

Still generally speaking I don’t mind Channel Pup, but the fact that he thinks Buffy is in anyway a female counterpart to the Doctor, to me shows how much New Who changed the character.

Buffy is the polar opposite to the Doctor in almost every way. (Not that that makes Buffy a bad character. Buffy is a classic character, and it’s good to have a wide variety of different types of heroes, but she definitely isn’t the same type of character as the Doctor.)

Buffy is young, at the very beginning of her life, deals with everyday problems, like working a terrible 9-5 job, fitting in at school, her mother dying of natural causes etc.

How is that comparable to an ancient alien, who has lived a full life, lives outside of the normal world in a magic box where everything is provided for him, has no real life worries at all?

These two quotes from both characters I think demonstrate the differences between them perfectly. Both involve the characters facing their own mortality (in Buffy’s case she has been told of a Prophecy stating the Master will kill her, whilst the Doctor is walking straight into a death trap.)

Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises…

Buffy: (yanks the cross from her neck) I don’t care! (calms down) I don’t care. Giles, I’m sixteen years old. I don’t wanna die.


TEGAN: Do you feel weird, Doctor?
DOCTOR 1: Full of strange fears and mysterious forebodings?
TEGAN: That’s it.
DOCTOR 1: No, as a matter of fact, I don’t. It’s all illusion, child. We’re close to the domain of Rassilon, whose mind is reaching out to attack us. Just ignore it, as I do.
DOCTOR 1: Fear itself is largely an illusion. And at my age, there’s little left to fear. Hmm. No, there’s nothing here to harm us.


Now again that’s not to say that Buffy is a poorer hero than the Doctor. As I said before it’s good to have a wide variety of heroes in fiction, but you see my point that as characters the Doctor and Buffy are polar opposites, yet someone raised on primarily the new series can actually think that Buffy represents the female counterpart to the Doctor? I think that shows exactly what I was saying is true that Davies turned the Doctor into a younger, more immature character all around.

As for Channel Pup’s other point that we have already seen a female counterpart to the Doctor, so a female Doctor could work, that is also bogus. No one ever said that there couldn’t be a female character like the Doctor, (I presonally resent the idea that I need lectured on female heroes by someone who only saw Buffy of all shows for the first time last year. I was watching Buffy before he even knew what Doctor Who was!) The point was always would a female Doctor follow on specifically from her male predecessors, which I’ll examine later in this series.

His Moral Code

Going Through Doctor Who: The Seeds Of Doom (1976) Review

Throughout the Classic era, the Doctor always had the same moral code. Whilst some Doctors might be more up front about it, and others more haunted by their actions, at the end of the day the Doctor would always react in basically the same way.

The Doctor prefers non violent solutions to problems. If there was a peaceful alternative he would take it. He will also never kill out of anger, or revenge or when an enemy is unarmed.

That said if he has no other choice, then yes. The Doctor absolutely will kill to protect himself, his friends and the universe at large, and he won’t think two seconds about it. Furthermore the Doctor will kill using any means necessary. Guns, knifes, blunt instruments, explosions, bio weapons, poison, fire, wild animals, the Doctor has used all of these methods to kill his enemies and never shown any reluctance or regret afterwards.

The Doctor is also not discriminate when it comes to the type of creatures he is willing to kill. He has murdered several human villains over the course of the series, such as Professor Solon, members of his own race such as the Master and Morbius (both of whom he was happy to kill) and of course monsters like the Daleks.

The only time the Doctors moral code is ever called into question is if he is dealing with an enemy that is so dangerous, their very existence is a threat to the universe at large. In these special circumstances then he may kill even when his enemy is unarmed, but he will always be shown to wrestle with it.

Examples include the 4th Doctor contemplating, but ultimately being unable to blow the Daleks up in Genesis of the Daleks at their point of birth when they are unarmed and helpess, the 5th Doctor contemplating gunning down Davros when he is helpless and unarmed, and the 7th Doctor blowing Davros up. (With the 7th Doctor being determined not to repeat his previous mistakes, but still being shown to struggle with the decision in the famous cafe scene.)

Once again this helped the Doctor stand out somewhat among other heroes. Most family friendly heroes will never kill their enemies, such as Superman, Spider-Man or even Batman (in most versions.)

Anti heroes meanwhile such as Avon from Blake’s 7, James Bond and Wolverine will often kill as a first resort.

The Doctor however fell somewhere in the middle in that he didn’t like violence, but was practical enough to know that sometimes there was no other way. His violent reactions were never out of anger, or malice. They were measured and because he had no other choice.

Sadly however New Who once again threw this element of the Doctors character away. In the revival, the Doctor has a totally unreasonable hatred of guns, specifically in his 10th and 13th incarnations.

The 10th Doctor refuses to let his companions use guns, even when aliens wielding guns are invading, when a horde of flesh eating cannibals are about to descend on them, or best of all in The Stolen Earth when Davros is about to detonate a bomb that will destroy every universe. The Tenth Doctor actually screams at his clone not to use a gun against Davros, seconds away from the reality bomb destroying everything. He’d rather everyone died than a gun not be fired?

The Tenth Doctors hatred of guns is not only hysterical, and as far away from the level headed, practical Doctor as you can get. It is extremely hypocritical too. He regularly uses weapons that are just as, if not more lethal. (I’m sure the alien you blew to pieces will appreciate the fact that you didn’t just shoot him.)

Ironically there are times when using a gun would be more humane than the method the Doctor uses to kill his enemies. A notorious example of this can be found in the 13th Doctor story Arachnids in the UK, when the Doctor refuses to let a bad Donald Trump parody shoot a giant Spider, (arguing that giant man eating Spiders deserve to be treated with respect.)

Instead the Doctor locks the giant Spiders in a room where they will either starve to death, be forced to eat one another, or be crushed under their own body weight.

What’s worse is that on top of all of this, the New Who Doctor regularly goes too far the other way.

In Human Nature/Family of Blood, the Doctor condemns a race of aliens to an eternity of torture. Now the aliens in question are evil, but still they are nowhere near the most evil creatures the Doctor has ever come into contact with. (Later that very same season, the Doctor goes on to hug a bigger mass murderer the Master, make of that what you will.)

The Doctors treatment of the aliens in Family of Blood is sadistic and totally unnecessary. He could have easily disposed of the aliens, yet he chose to torture them, simply for his own amusement.

All of this not only destroys a vital part of the Doctors character, but also makes the revival era Doctor a difficult character to root for in his, or her own right. Essentially we have a hero who will condemn people for using a gun in self defence, simply because they don’t like guns, yet indulge in a bit of torture when it amuses them.


Throughout the Classic era, the Doctor was almost always depicted as asexual. He never showed any interest in any of his female companions, and all of the actors who played the role, from Jon Pertwee to Sylvester McCoy all said the Doctor was firmly asexual.

It is true however that the series never explicitely stated that the Doctor was asexual, and indeed other members of the Doctors race were shown to sleep with, and even fall in love with humans (The Master, Susan etc.)

Added to that the Doctor did have a grand daughter and his family are mentioned at one point. Nevertheless the character never had any romantic relationships and for good reason.

To start with this helped Doctor Who to always remain focused on the sci fi and adventure aspects of the series. Sadly many other genre series I think end up becoming too obsessed with the lead characters love life, which eventually drags the show down into soap opera territory.

Buffy is a classic example of this during its sixth season, where the horror and fantasy elements were toned down and pushed to the background.

Furthermore as a character the Doctor just isn’t designed for love stories. He is constantly travelling, so there is no way we can have him settle down. He is an alien from the most advanced race in the universe, so advanced that even the most intelligent human would seem like a child to him. On top of that if he were to meet a nice Time Lady that he fell in love with, she would have to be ripped from him if they were really in love. (Either that or she would have to remain with him for the rest of the shows run, which would get stale.)

You could maybe get away with doing that once, but eventually if you keep doing it, then you are going to undermine each love interest as the Doctors one true love.

As to why the Doctor is asexual, I always felt it was more to do with the death of his family. The way I see it, the Doctor doesn’t want that kind of life again. No one can ever replace his wife and children who died, and he now as he said to Victoria, uses his travels to distract himself from their loss.

It’s as simple as that. (Also most of the women the Doctor travels with are not only human, but much younger than he is, and are often more surrogate replacement figures for Susan.)

Again however New Who threw this aspect of the character away. The New Who Doctor is in contrast a very romantic character, and what’s worse is that his love interests are often quite inappropriate for the character.

Rose Tyler is just 3 years older than Susan and younger than Ace, Jo Grant and Vicki, all of whom it would have been incredibly creepy for the Doctor to end up with. Sure David Tennant looks younger than William Hartnell, but remember he is still meant to be William Hartnell underneath his new face.

Added to that the New Who team often attempted to sex the Doctor up, by having him boast about his conquests, slap his companions across the bum, make jokes about “that’s how I pick up girls”, and snog just about every young woman he comes into contact with.

Not surprisingly the romance between the Doctor and his companions often helped to distract from the sci fi and fantasy elements of the new series and meant that they were often not as well developed as in the original series. (Though there other reasons for this, such as the focus on soap opera, shorter length of stories, but still the romance between the Doctor and his companions undoubtedly played a role.)


In the classic era all of the different incarnations of the Doctor were all meant to be the same person fundamentally.

In the classic era regeneration was really nothing more than an advanced form of healing. The Doctors body broke down and then repaired itself, but when it repaired itself, it changed appearance. It basically rebuilt itself from scratch.

The Doctors outer persona was given a shake up as a result, but his consciousness, core personality, memories, morals, motivation all remained the same.

This isn’t just my opinion, all of the most prominent people involved in the original series, Robert Holmes, Terry Nation, John Nathan Turner, Terrance Dicks, all held that opinion as did every actor from Patrick Troughton to Sylvester McCoy.

You only have to look at how the Doctor is written to see it. If all of the Doctors are totally different people, then why would Peter Davison feel guilty for not destroying the Daleks in Genesis of the Daleks and be determined to make amends now?

TEGAN: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: To kill Davros.
TEGAN: Doctor!
DOCTOR: I must. Davros created the Daleks. He must not be allowed to save them.
TEGAN: But murder?
DOCTOR: Once before I held back from destroying the Daleks. It was a mistake I do not intend to repeat. Davros must die.

That wasn’t him? Why feel guilty at something Tom Baker did? Similarly whenever he meets characters that know him through multiple lives, the Brigadier, Davros, the Master etc, he mentions old times with them (for better or for worse.)

Why would Colin Baker say to Davros “last time we met” when it was Peter Davison? Why would Jon Pertwee when he mets the Brig for the first time tell him that it was good to see you again old chap?

The only time the Doctor suffers a huge change in personality is in The Twin Dilemma, but this is meant to be because his regeneration has gone wrong due to the poison. His mind has actually been damaged for once, and the 6th Doctor is genuinely shocked to hear he attacked Peri in a psychotic fit, stating that he would never attack someone unprovoked. How does he know however? If he is a totally different person however, how does he know that’s not just who he is? Clearly he is basing his personality on his 5 predecessors.

With all of this in mind the Doctor was clearly meant to be the same person throughout all of his lives in the original series. None of his development, or relationships with other characters make sense otherwise. Added to that the Doctors being the one character, gives him an identity in popular culture and stops him from just being a title, or a legacy character.

Sadly however in New Who, Russell T Davies did retcon it that the Doctors are all different people after all in The End of Time with the 10th Doctors notorious exit. The 10th Doctor outright states that when he changes he does die and that only the memories go on.

This retcon not only made all of the Doctors development unimportant (who cares what happened to Jon Pertwee, as Tom Baker is a different person) it also undid all of his relationships with other characters too. Now the Brigadiers friendship is with 7 different characters rather than one, as is Davros’ feud with the Doctor.

Also it yet again took away something fairly unique about the Doctor, that he could change, yet still be the same character. Now the Doctor has been reduced to just being like the Slayers in Buffy, or the Trill in Star Trek, or the Van Helsing family, IE a line of heroes, or a title passed down through the ages.

In Conclusion

Clearly the same character.

As you can see the revival really wasn’t interested in carrying on the character of the Doctor from the original series.

Even as far back as Eccelston’s time there were virtually no similarities between the 21st century version of the character and the original.

Everything that made the Doctor unique was jettisoned in the hopes of making him a more conventional hero. Clearly the new series writers either had no interest in, or perhaps disdain for the original core characterisation of the Doctor.

Even the more minor, but still strong characteristics of the Doctor that ran from incarnation to incarnation were abandoned in the revival. For instance physically the Doctor always tended to dress in more Edwardian, Victorian clothes, and his hair tended to be longer and bigger to reflect his bohemian nature. In the revival, Christopher Eccelston’s Doctor had short, almost shaved hair, and wore a modern leather coat. Tennant’s looked was also very contemporary and modern too. Matt Smith meanwhile did reflect the original Doctors appearance more with his tweed jacked, bowtie and long hair. Even then however I feel this was more on the part of Matt than Moffat who originally wanted to dress Matt in more modern clothes.

The Doctor was also depicted as being a highly skilled fighter in Classic Who too. All of the Doctors (save Patrick Troughton) did a fair bit of fighting, but in the revival save for a few times as Capaldi, and one sword fight with Tennant, he almost never does. (In fact ironically Chibnall said a defining feature of the Doctors character was that he never throws punches, completely overlooking the two longests serving incarnations Tom Baker and Jon Pertwee who regularly threw punches!)

Other than the very basic idea of the Doctor being a time traveller, everything about the character from the original was tossed out. (All of this is before we even get to the gender change which will explore in a later section of the series.)

In the next part of this series we will examine how New Who became so obsessed with rewriting its past it became stagnated in the present.



King Kong: Part 7


It had taken the villagers many weeks to rebuild their shattered lives after the Raptor attack.

Kong had mostly stayed away from the village atop a nearby hill. The Great Ape had always felt safest at high places, undoubtedly because of his upbringing.

Gerisian would still visit him every week however, much to her daughters chagrin. Other villagers had tried to approach the great Ape but he would tend to shun them away. Even Gerisian wasn’t always welcome, but some times the Ape would pick her up for just a few minutes. It almost looked confused at why it’s mother who once held her in its arms was now so small, but it would still always hug her all the same (careful not to crush its tiny mother in the process.)

Gerisian was still sick from the Raptor bite. She tried to hide it as best she could, but the infection was slowly eating away at her leg, and she soon found it difficult to walk. Nevertheless she would always do her best to see her former pet.

Unfortunately however not everyone in the village had been so willing to forgive the great Ape.

Ticas, one of the villages strongest warriors father had unfortunately been one of the twelve men and women killed by Kong when the Ape was first cast out of the village.

He had also fought valiantly against the Raptors during their attack and had even saved Gerisians life. Unfortunately no one cared about his great deeds and heroic actions after Kong’s battle with the Raptor pack, (the last few survivors of whom hadn’t dared to give the human tribe anymore trouble.)

Ticas had even interrupted a tribute from the village to Kong, which took the form of a massive pile of Kong’s favourite food which they laid out every week.

It often took the villagers days to gather the food together,  but eventually, unable take the monster being celebrated any further, Ticas burned the pile right in front of the others.

“You celebrate that thing as some kind of hero? It’s pathetic. What does that beast know about bravery?” He shouted.

“I fought against the monsters when I knew they were going to kill me, when there was 6 to every one of us. Those creatures were nothing to that monkey.”

“If we’d relied on you, we’d be dead.” One of the villagers shouted back at Ticas as he was escorted away.

Following this humiliation Ticas hatred only grew and he eventually made plans to kill the last of the Kongs. He couldn’t do it himself of course. Even when the monster slept, he didn’t want to take any chances he could wake the beast. (Also it was very doubtful that any weapons in the village would be strong enough to cut through the Great Apes skin and muscle.)

Finally Tiscas also hoped to kill the beast in a way that wouldn’t draw any suspision. To accomnplish this he needed another giant monster, but fortunately he knew where to get one.

The massive lake that existed near to the village had until recently been the source of the Natives water supply housed one of the few creatures on the island that could harm Kong. The Piranhadon.

The Piranhadon was a gigantic Eel like creature that could grow to over 45 feet long. The creatures tended to live in the waters just outside Skull Island, but now and again stray Piranhadons would venture inland through passage ways beneath the island and become trapped there.

The lake the natives used for their water was connected to the sea via a large passage, but the Piranhadon actually had no reason to leave, as there was enough food in the lake and no competition.

The Piranhadon’s fed primarily on other marine animals, but now and again they would leap out of the water to catch flying Pterosaurs, or any unlucky animal that strayed too close to the pond. Only the largest meat eating Dinosaurs such as the Tyrannosaurus were safe from the monster.

The tribe had simply lost too many men and women trying to defend the area, and as a result had been forced to use the river Gerisian had originally found Kong floating down as their primary water source. Whilst they had used the river now and again in the past whenever there were too many predators gathering near the lake, ultimately the River was not practical as a long term source of water, as it was nearer the home of many larger predators. Using as often as they had done in the last few months had already drawn quite a few Allosaurus’ near to the village with many Natives losing their lives in the process.

Ticas hoped that if he could lure Kong near to the lake, the Piranhadon would attack him. As it was a fully grown Kong could have easily fought off a Piranhadon, but the Ape hadn’t quite reached his full size yet and was still somewhat weak after the Raptor battle.

A little over a month after the Raptor attack, Ticas would put his plan into action. Using a torch (that he also used to make his way through the dark and bat off any creatures that came near him such as small Dinosaurs and some very large insects.

He eventually made his way to the top of the hill Kong rested on every night. It was going to be very hard for Ticas to make his way down the hill ahead of Kong who could leap several feet, but that didn’t deter him.

In many ways it wasn’t just vengeance or even jealousy that made Ticas so desperate to rid the junge of the last of the Kongs. He was also scared of the great Ape. Before Kong had left the village when during a famine, the leader of the tribe had decided to steal the Ape’s own supply of food that it had been gathering which lead to a fight, where Kong killed 12 men and women before fleeing. That was several years ago, now the Ape was twice that size. Added to that it had decimated almost all of the Raptors who the villagers strongest warriors had barely been able to stand against. If there was ever to be another conflict between Kong and the villagers, which was highly likely given the Ape’s volatile and unpredictable nature, then he would completely destroy the village.

At the same time if Kong killed the Piranahdon then the village would still be rid of one pest. Either way he felt, his people would win.

Ticas walked slowly up to Kong, ready to flee at the slightest movement from the Ape. He made his way to within a few feet of the Apes paw and stabbed his torch into it.

Kong instantly woke up and came face to face with Ticas who waved his torch in the Apes face scaring it back a little before running down the hill.

Kong beat his chest in fury and ran after Ticas on all fours. Within a few seconds he managed to catch up to the native who he then picked up and prepared to crush.

Ticas however jabbed the torch straight into Kongs thumb causing him such pain, the Ape was forced to drop him.

It wasn’t a smooth landing for Ticas however as he landed on some rocks, breaking his shoulder in the process. Nevertheless he still hoisted himself up and ran as fast as he could down the hill, with Kong quickly resuming chase.

The Gorilla caught up with Ticas yet again as he reached the bottom of the hill, but this time Ticas was able to ward Kong back before he could grab him, by waving the torch in the beasts face.

Ticas managed to make it to the woods, with the Ape in pursuit, Kong however found it much more difficult to keep track of his tiny enemy in the undergrowth and so he started to smash down all the nearby trees he could to either crush or expose Ticas.

Ticas however was too quick for Kong and made it to the lakeside. He cut his hand over the water, hoping the blood would draw the Piranhadon near. As Kong drew ever closer however drawn by the faint sight of Ticas’ torch, the Native had no choice but to wade through the water as Kong had blocked off his only other escape.

Ticas couldn’t see any sign of the giant, even through the murky depths, but he clutched onto his torch for dear life.

Suddenly out of nowhere the Piranhadon lunged forward at the Native. The monster could move a lot faster than even Ticas had thought in the water. Fortunately however as its jaws almost clamped around Ticas he was able, purely on reflex to jab his torch into the brutes tongue causing it to double back.

Waving his torch in the direction of the beast, Ticas waded his way back to the bank, just as Kong had arrived, having been drawn by both the torch and the commotion.

Kong pounded his fists into the ground at the sight of Ticas, but his attention was soon drawn to the Piranhadon that literally leaped out onto the bank in order to try and snatch Ticas who managed to just jump out of the way.

Kong was startled, but not scared at the sight of the large creature which in turn looked back on the Ape with a strange curiosity. Neither had ever seen a creature like the other before, and Ticas noticing their lack of animosity threw his torch into the woods behind Kong.

The sight of the fire frightened Kong and forced him into the water to escape. The Ape however still couldn’t swim, even after all of these years and so it more waded through the shallow bank. Unfortunately however the Piranhadon, scared of the new creature entering his domain, clamped its jaws around Kong’s arm and tried to pull him down deeper.

A tug of war soon ensued, but Kong despite the monster biting straight through the bone of his arm, not only held on, but actually managed to partially lift the Piranhadon out of the water.

Ticas however grabbed another piece of burning wood and hurled it at the great Ape, distracting him long enough for the Piranhadon to pull Kong into the deeper end. Here the Ape was helpless and the Piranhadon pulled Kong to the very bottom of the lake where it prepared to clamp its jaws around his head.

200 Years Later

Peter didn’t notice the monster until it had crawled over the edge of the cliff. Unfortunately however the creature wasn’t alone. A further five similar giant insects crawled over the cliff edge and soon surrounded Peter.

The monsters resembled gigantic cockroaches, with huge pincer like claws at the front. They stood close to 6 feet off of the ground, and were close to twenty feet long.

One of the monsters grabbed Peter by the legs, whilst another grabbed him by the arms. The two monsters engaged in a brutal tug of war with their prey until eventually Scarlett couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed one of the Natives spears, hurling it at the cockroach grabbing Peter’s arms and killing it instantly.

“They’re not so tough.” She laughed. The Natives were furious however.

“You idiot. There’s hundreds of those monsters down in that pit, our only hope was to slip away and you’ve.” The Native was soon cut off by a buzzing sound of many more of the gigantic insects crawling their way up.

Meanwhile the creatures on the other side of the chasm turned their attention towards the Natives and flew over towards them, with Peter fleeing instantly.

It never even occurred to him to try and return the favour and distract the bugs long enough for the others to escape.

“You should have told me they could do that.” Eva said somewhat awkwardly.

“You stupid bitch you’ve killed us all.” Daniel said in usual hysterical tone before William slapped him.

“Not that he’s not wrong, but I just couldn’t have died without doing that once.” William said as they ran through the narrow caverns ahead to try and escape the bugs. Not all of the Natives and the prisoners were lucky however as the creatures tore two apart and dragged a further three, two prisoners and one Native down into the pit below.

Peter meanwhile was forced to run back the way he came. The rest of the prisoners had all been caught in his trap and for the first time he was starting to regret it. Back the way he came he could see dozens of insects hovering over the pit.

He couldn’t possibly hope to survive out here on his own so for the first time in his miserable, cruel life, Peter decided to help other people.

Picking up a burning torch from the mass of flames he had created up ahead, Peter ran back the way through the bugs. He warded any of the abominations that came near him away with his torch, whilst drawing them away from the Natives on the other side.

With many of the creatures blocked off his way back, Peter ran further down his side of the edge of the chasm until he could find a bridge between the two sides.

The rest of the Natives and the Prisoners meanwhile hadn’t even noticed Peter’s uncharacteristically brave actions and had continued to press on to the village which was not that further ahead.

Finally after 10 or so minutes of running, Peter came across a large log that bridged the gap. The Natives had obviously pushed the tree down from the other side.

As Peter tried to cross it however the Bugs started to circle the pyromaniac from all sides. Though he was still able to drive most of them away with his torch, one of the monsters coming from below was able to nudge the log slightly, causing Peter to fall and drop his torch down the pit. At the very bottom it created a massive fire, which caused hundreds of similar insect creatures to fly above

Peter managed to land on one of the insects as it flew up, and held on long enough until he reached the other side of the chasm, after which he then hid as best he could.

Up above however hundreds and hundreds of bugs flew in one direction. To the Natives village that Peter could see up ahead.

To Be Continued.



The Savage Era: Part 1: True Monsters

“You useless little bitch. You had one job, one job. If your father was here he’d fucking kill you.”

Leontine overheard this disgusting tirade from upstairs as she was forced to roast what was left of their beloved family pet, or rather her little sister, Lehia’s pet Donkey Serania over a spit.

It was a hard enough situation she and her sister were in anyway, but their mother Cyreian had pushed them both to almost breaking point.

Cyreian had never been a good mother to her girls. They had always been much closer to their father, but in the last three years as the village of Hesora had become cut off from the city, and food supplies had become scarce (thanks to Demons coming to occupy the wastelands in between the city and the outer villages.) Cyreian began to snap under the pressure. When her husband was killed by a Demon raid on the village however, just 2 years ago, her relationship with her children completely broke down.

Of the two of them she seemed to value Leontine more because she was stronger and could look after herself, but still largely held both girls in contempt.

Lehia came running into the living room, sobbing. She hadn’t wanted see her beloved pet in this state, but now she didn’t care.

Leontine hugged Lehia who was covered in cuts and bruises, promising her little sister that things would be different soon even if she knew they weren’t. She’d always defended Lehia when they were very young children. Both girls were still only teenagers, with Lehia being 17 years old and Leontine being 19. Now however, every day Leontine was letting her sister be bullied by their mother, other than the odd weak sign of protest.

Leontine had faced down many bullies in her time on the rough streets of Hesora. Even before the Demons the village wasn’t exactly a peaceful, serene place. With her mother however it was different. Leontine had always been scared of her, even though it was ridiculous as her mother was small and frail, whilst Leontine stood over 6 foot tall and through the labour she’d been forced to take up after fathers death, incredibly strong. Leontine found she still couldn’t stand up to her mother however, as much as she wanted to.

Cyreian soon came storming into the room after Lehia sporting a black eye.

“You were supposed to help me.” Cyreian said carrying a large stick.

“You should have never taken her there in the first place.” Leontine replied, somewhat sheepishly.

“Well I could hardly leave her here to protect our supplies, could I?”

Cyreian and Lehia had attempted to steal from Kenisal’s farm, which normally supplied food to the entire village. Now however thanks to the Demons it was forced to ration it’s supplies until a new shipment came in from the city every month.

Lehia had lost her nerve during the theft and she had inadvertantly spooked several of the animals, which had alerted the owner of the farm.  Cyreian tried to take the food by force, but it didn’t end well for her as her black eye attested.

Worse than that however as they had tried to steal rations, then the three women would be blacklisted for the next 3 months.

As it was they weren’t getting that many food rations anyway. They were deemed low skilled workers by Kenisal, not important enough for the wellbeing of the village.

Even though almost all of their supplies were gone, Lehia still didn’t want to sacrficie Serania, but Cyreian had beaten her bloody after the botched robbery into submission.

Cyreian however was more just taking out her frustration out on her daughter for the foiled robbery. By this stage Lehia was so intimidated by her mother that she could got her to go along with what she wanted, with just a threatening look.

Tonight would be even worse for Leontine and Lehia than normal however as they would be forced to remain indoors at all times as tonight was when the Liroca Demon prowled the streets.

The Liroca was a particular type of Demon known as a Vandal. Hideous, clawed, soul devouring monsters. There were hundreds of different breeds of Vandals, all with their own powers, but they all fed on souls.

The Liroca could not enter a house uninvited and therefore at night the people of the village would make sure they remained indoors. The Demon however would still snack on several of the homeless and the guards who did their best to try and protect the village.

The beast arrived in the village every night of the first week of a new month. Its hunting habits were so rigid, yet in all this time no one had been able to lay a trap for the beast. Its biggest strength was the fact that it could phase through solid objects and avoid any attempt to stab its heart with a silver sharp (its only weakness alongside sunlight.) The enchantments that had been supplied to the city had been able to hold out most of the other Demons that prowled the wasteland, but the Vandal’s teleporting powers were evidently able to overcome any type of magic.

“I hope you didn’t lose the silver knife.” Cyreian said to Leontine.

“It’s in my room. We won’t need it. The Vandal will have plenty of homeless to feast on. As bad as things are for us we can always be thankful we have a roof over our heads.” Leontine said.

“Not when you share it with a worthless idiot like this.” Cyreian spat at Lehia. “Is dying slowly from hunger because of this idiot worse than a quick stab in the stomach by some clawed Demon? Mind you either way I’ll be free of her.”

Ignoring her mothers cruel taunts, Leontine started to cut large chunks off of Serania’s body.

Lehia couldn’t take it anymore. For a moment she almost considered running out into the streets and letting the Vandal eat her, but then she thought about how she couldn’t leave Leontine with their mother and so she simply ran upstairs again.

“She’s not getting off that easy. I’m going to make sure she eats some of that stupid animal she loved so much. For her sake as much you understand. She needs to keep her strength up.”

Leontine slammed down two large chunks of burnt meat on the table.

It wasn’t the most appetizing looking meal. The primitive equipment Leontine had and her lack of cooking skills in general had burnt it to the point where it looked more like charcol.

“Useless fucking animal. Could never carry anything, was babied by that moron up there, ate too much, and now even in death it makes for a disgusting meal.” Cyreian said as she spat out bits of the foul “meal” in front of her.

“To think what we could have been eating tonight instead.”

“What happened?”

“What do you think happened? Your sister. She messed up again like she always does, and as per usual I paid the price for it.” Cyreian said as she gently felt her black eye.

“She spends far too much time up there, time she could be working. Is it any wonder she’s so useless.”

“Can you blame her for wanting to be up there away from you?” Leontine said, still somewhat meekly.

“What was that?

“You heard me?” Leontine said whilst not even looking up at her sorry excuse for a mother.

“I know she doesn’t always pull her weight, but she’s just a child.”

“There’s no such thing in this world as just a child anymore.” Cyreian said firmly. “Look at it out there. Everybody too scared to leave their houses because of one Demon. One. Beyond our village meanwhile there are hundreds of thousands of Demons worse than that creature we’ll all be hoping settles for some bloody tramp tonight All over the world there are more and more of those monsters every year. Either crawling out of the hell they came from, or turning other people into monsters like them. How can you possibly expect someone like Lehian to cope if she’s not going to toughen up a little.”

“You’re not doing it to make her cope. You’re doing it because you can’t cope” Florence said, for once with a bit more confidence.

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t cope. You’ve failed your daughters and you know it.”

Before Leontine could even finish, her mother struck her across the face. It barely hurt Leontine, but she had to control her anger all the same.

Cyreian, foolishly thinking her girl was afraid of her, picked up her stick and slammed it down on the table.

“Another fucking word and I’ll throw you out there to be eaten by that Vandal. Understand.”

Leontine didn’t say anything but she stood up, towering over and glaring at her mother which unnerved Cyreian for a few minutes before Leontine went up to her room. Cyreian then threw the burnt meat her daughter had made out of the window.

“Useless pet for a useless girl” she said before stomping off to bed.

Neither Cyreian or Leontine would get to sleep however. It was always difficult whenever the Vandal stalked the village. Leontine would always looked out the window of her room, clutching the silver knife in case the monster got anywhere near.

There was no sign of the Demon in her neighbourhood. In fact she had only seen it come by this area once. She’ll never forget the sight of the monster murdering an old homeless man. The Vandals fed using their claws. They’d stab their clawed hands into their victims chests or stomachs and absorb their souls into their bodies, destroying them in the process. The Vandal didn’t just kill their victims, they destroyed everything about them, making them among the most feared Demons.

After a few hours Leontine started to drift off, but she was soon roused by the sound of screaming across the hall.

“I knew it. I knew it, you lying, cheating little bitch!” Cyreian screamed before storming out of the room holding a small rabbit. Cyreian spotted Leontine peering out of the door and shouted at her.

“Can you believe this, we’re starving and she is keeping this rodent from us?”

“Please, please it’s the only friend I have.” Lehia sobbed on her knees.

Leontine tried to calm Lehia down, but her little sister couldn’t take it anymore and ran down the stairs after her mother.

In the living room, Cyreian was already wielding a cleaver, preparing to part the animals head from its shoulders. This time Lehia tackled Cyreian, but Cyreian not only pushed her to the ground but actually held her meat cleaver up.

For once however, Lehia stood up to her mother and tackled her mother to the ground. She then opened the door to the house and put her rabbit outside. The Vandal wouldn’t hurt the rabbit. It was only interested in people, but there is no way that Cyreian would risk going outside to get the rabbit back.

“You nasty, spiteful little bitch. You’d let your mother and your sister starve to save that dumb animal.”

Cyreian threw her cleaver at Lehia which narrowly missed her and smashed the window behind. She then picked up her stick and started to batter Lehia viciously.

“I’m fed up with you. ” Cyreian said as she dragged her daughter to the fire place.

“No please, please, Leontine, help me, help” Lehia shouted.

Leontine couldn’t take it anymore. Her mothers pitiful attempts to bully her earlier had alerted Leontine to just how pathetic and frail her mother was. She rushed down the stairs and stopped her mother from sticking Lehia’s face in the fire.

Cyreian then tried to strike Leontine, but she easily pulled the stick from her crazed mother. Overcome with rage Leontine hit her mother over the head with her own stick.

Cyreian was instantly knocked to the floor, weak and bloodied.

For the first time Leontine saw her mother as the weak, cowardly, feeble woman she was. No longer did she seem like the powerful figure who could throw her out onto the streets, take away her food supplies for several days, or lock her in her room.

All of the repressed anger and hatred she had for mother came flooding out and she repeatedly hit Cyreian whilst she was on the floor with her own stick until it broke. She then started to punch her face with all her strength for several minutes until ironically Lehia had to intervene.

“Stop it, stop it. Please, please.”

Leontine pulled back, but it was too late. Her mother was dead.

“What did you, what did you do.” Lehia said.

“I, I don’t know I just. I couldn’t stop.” Leontine said whilst shaking, her fist dripping with her own mothers blood.

“What are we going to do? They’ll kill you.”

“And then what’ll happen to you? There’s no way you can do my job, you’ll lose the house and then sooner or later, be meat for that monster out there.”

A few minutes passed during which Lehia did nothing but sob.

“We have to get out of here now.”

“What the house?? We can’t the Vandal’s outside.”

“I’m not just talking about the house. This entire village. We need to get out now.”

“The only thing out there is a desert filled with Demons.”

“There are other villages we can get too in the desert. Villages that have done better during the crisis, that aren’t dependent on those idiots in the city.”

“We can’t those monsters they’ll kill us.”

“If we stay here, we’re both as good as dead. Isn’t it better to try and make it across those badlands, than just sit back and wait for them to break my legs and throw me out with the Demons, or throw you out onto the streets where if the Vandal dosen’t get you, hunger will?”

To Be Continued

Devil’s World: The Beasts of Albion: The Green Children

Sorry things have been a bit quiet here recently. It’s been a bit hectic dealing with a family member who was seriously ill during the lockdown. Things will be back to normal soon. In the meantime enjoy for the first few parts of a project I’ve been working on in secret for some time. This is the first in a series which is set in an alternate universe where Demons, Vampires, Werewolves and Witches are all common knowledge and mankind uses magic instead of science. Each “series” will take place in a different country and feature creatures and myths from each country. The first series takes place in Britain and will feature a wide range of English, Scottish, Irish and Welsh monsters and Demons. Enjoy!

“I’m fed up of your stupid little pranks Robin” Agnes said.

“One of these days he’s going to find out it was you and then we’ll all be for the chop.”

“Oh come on, you know he’d never do that. We’re too valuable for him.” Robin said whilst barely able to contain his laughter at the King’s predicament.

“I wouldn’t bet on it. The woods are filled with freaks and monsters. I’m sure he could find something to replace us, two green children and a smarmy Goblin aren’t that special.”

“Well maybe but as long as you keep your mouth shut he won’t know.”

“You can count on that. I suppose I should thank you. At least we have the day off now.”

Agnes one of the two green children, along with her brother Simon, and Robin Goodfellow had been among the many supernatural creatures captured by the King of Jisican.

The King had a fascination with the occult and would often send his men on wild goose chases to recover some rare artifact or supernatural creature that he would then keep in his castle.

Agnes and Simon were arguably the prize of his collection however, as they were among the rarest creatures in all of Albion. Two Green children who had mysteriously appeared near the village of Woolpit in Sussex. Nobody, including the children themselves who suffered from amnesia knew who they were, or were they had come from.

The children soon became the pride of Woolpit, until the King’s spies were able to capture them in the middle of the night. Neither were particularly bothered as they didn’t really have any ties to Woolpit, having always just been a freakshow attraction there too.

Robin meanwhile was a lone Hobgoblin that had been abducted from the forest, though again he had no ties to his home, that was a dark, wild place filled with Demons and creatures.

Despite this however neither Agnes, Robin or indeed most of the creatures the King had abducted had time for him as he would generally tend to keep them locked away from the rest of the kingdom and force them to entertain him.

He would reward them if they did, and even in some instances let them play outside, but generally speaking The King preferred to keep his supernatural creatures to himself.

As he got older and slower however the King would often fall victim to his Goblin’s pranks. They would often perform various curses on him, from the magics he had accumulated. They were never severe, though they could be quite cruel.

Robin’s latest prank was a mild form of a Dark magic that would normally cause the victim to rip their own skin off. Robin’s spell however simply made the King tear all of his clothes off and then refuse to put them on for a day. Worse this was during a day of a huge celebration in the city.

Agnes felt that Robin had gone too far this time. They’d be lucky if the King didn’t destroy all of his magics and execute all of the creatures he had locked up just to be sure.

Still at least for today the Hobgoblin and the Green lady could enjoy themselves at the tavern. They were always the most popular guests there. Robin loved entertaining the guests with his tricks, whilst Agnes would often make up tall tales about the place she had come from. Even she had difficulty keeping track of all the ridiculous things she had made up about her homeland, from Golden Dinosaurs, to singing apples, to trees made of fire!

Today however she wasn’t really in the mood for such theatrics.

“Give me a scotch on the rocks Peter will you.”

“Is everything all right?” He asked as he knew that was always a sign of trouble for Agnes.

“It’s just Simon. We had a huge fight.”

“Oh dear, I know how bad it can be between siblings. Even if he does come from another dimension.”

“You’d think we’d get along a lot better, what with being the only two green people in possibly this entire universe.”

Sadly Agnes couldn’t really divulge anymore about her fight with Simon. In contrast to Agnes and Robin, Simon had extreme loyalty to the King. Simon was only 8 when the King first abducted the two Green Children, whilst Agnes was 15. They had been in his custody for over 8 years now, and despite his somewhat callous treatment of them, Simon had come to see the King as a father figure. He had been tempted to turn Simon in for humiliating him, but had only relented because of Agnes. Still things had gotten quite ugly between them and Simon had decided to spend the night helping to look after the King and try and break the curse.

“Cheer up love” Peter said. “I’m sure whatever problems you and your little brother have, you’ll resolve them and get back to that land of dancing Octopuses.”

“Oh eh yes, quite.”

At the other end of the bar meanwhile a strange, deathly pale mans attention was suddenly drawn towards Agnes. She didn’t notice him until he had gotten a little to close.

“Excuse me is there something I can do for you.” Agnes said. She was used to dealing with lecherous drunks. Her green skin made her more of a prize to the men of the village.

The figure reached out and grabbed her breast. His hand was so cold to the touch that Agnes fell back off of her chair. Robin quickly helped her up, whilst the pale man giggled.

“I’d hoped you’d have a greater constitution. You’re so, human under that green skin. Still I can have some fun with you anyway.” He said whilst reaching out.

Agnes however punched him in the face and though she sent the creep tumbling backwards, again her hand was burned off of his cold face.

Peter soon grabbed the figure and threw him out.

“Agnes I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“It’s okay.” She said rubbing her hand to try and get some feeling into it.

“I do hope that guy isn’t the kings latest little pet.”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked?

“Did he not seem a bit off. I mean more than just being a creep.”

“We’d be the first to know if there was a new supernatural creature brought in to the castle.” Robin said.

“There’s no way any other creature could get into Jisican.” He continued.

“No I suppose not, there was just something about that man.”

“He was just another creep. We don’t get too many of them in here you know, but you tend to remember them more than your nice customers.” Peter said.

As the night went on, Agnes became a bit more sociable and started to regail several of the patrons with more fabulous tales from her supposed homeland. She’d spend hours thinking them up in the King’s castle for her next trip to the tavern.

It was Robin however who held most of the bars attention with his tricks. Towards the end of the night however, the Goblin was challenged by a patricularly large patron named Brian.

Brian had it in for the Goblin ever since one of the imp’s little spells left him thinking he was the King (which got Brian a year in prison for his troubles.)

Brian had tried to let it go, as he was on probation, but the more the insufferable little braggard kept boasting, the more impossible it became.

“All right you little freak” Brian said as he towered over the tiny little creature, with most of the other patrons backing away. Brian stood almost 7 feet tall, whilst Robin in contrast was barely five foot.

“We know you can do some tricks, but that’s just because you’re a little pipsqueak who’s not good for anything, and personally I think it was you that cursed the King.”

Robin let out a fake laugh.

“Why would I do that? He took me in, I love that man”. The Goblin said unconvincingly.

“You know how it is, all those dark magical artifacts he’s stolen. They’re always backfiring on him.”

“It seems like the type of stupid thing you’d do.” Brian said as he grabbed the Goblin’s throat.

“Now, now no trouble here.” Peter said.

“Funny you let him back in here after what he did to me.”

“That was only because of what you did to Sarah.”

“I know what you did to her. You’re lucky you only got a year. I’d hoped the King would take your head clean off. I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”

Brian slammed the Goblins head hard onto the bar.

Agnes tried to pull Brian off, but with one hit he sent her flying across the bar.

Two more barflies pulled Brian off of the Goblin, but he soon threw them away. Robin then punched Brian in the stomach, but he barely hurt the hulking brute.

Brian lifted Robin into the air by his lapels and barked at him.

“Not much without your, your” He suddenly started to choke.

No one bothered to help him at first. They all had suspicions over Sarah’s death after all. Eventually Brian coughed up a small red egg.

“Did you have chicken for dinner tonight.” Robin said.

“What did you do to me?”

“Trust me that punch was more than it seemed.” The Goblin laughed as the egg hatched into a black, red eyed, demonic Chicken that grew to be over 5 feet tall.

The Chicken screeched and jumped at Brian who ran out of the door and into the streets with the Chicken in pursuit.

“What did you do?” Agnes asked.

“Relax, I just conjured up an illusion. It was a Demonic image of the last animal he ate. Some people can actually conjure up real Demonic spirits of the last animal someone ate or killed to take revenge on it’s killer. I’m pretty sure my one was just an illusion though. Well we’ll know if Brian’s body is found with peck marks tomorrow.”

“Robin” Peter barked.

“I’m just kidding. He’ll get a little fright that’s all. I did so hope it had been a chicken he’d eaten last.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, but I really wish you wouldn’t keep messing around with these magics. One of these days you’re going to.” Agnes stopped.

“Let’s just get home. The King’s probably better now and furious.”

It was pitch black outside, but the beauty of Jisican still shone through the darkness. The King’s supernatural collection had helped him through various magics and trades, build up Jisican into being one of the greatest cities in all of Albion.

Agnes and Robin normally loved taking their time on the walk home as they so rarely got to see the city in all it’s glory, but this time was a little different.

“Honestly Robin what were you thinking? A few hours after you curse the King.”

“All right keep it down.”

“You then do the same thing to Brian in front of a tavern full of people.”

“It was like I said the King has all sorts of crazy magic in that palace of his. This can easily just be seen as an example of that if you keep your mouth shut. Remember when he lost a servant to a hell dimension? Or when he accidentally revived his grandfather as a Zombie? I’m still convinced he keeps him in the attic. The way I see it the King get’s people in trouble all the time by messing about with magics. It’s only fair that it should happen to him.”

“Yes well forgive me for not believing you wanted to avenge the memory of a servant whose name you probably don’t even remember. I think you just like being able to push people around.”

Before Robin could protest, their argument was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a scream in the distance.

“What is that?”

“Probably Brian being menaced by a chicken.” Robin giggled to himself.

The moaning suddenly became a lot louder.

Agnes, ignoring Robin’s idea of just going back to the castle checked out the alley nearest to the tavern and saw much to her horror the letch from the pub, holding a young woman in his arms and biting her neck.

The letch looked up, blood dripping from his mouth, his eyes now burning red. The creep licked his lips and dropped the woman to the floor.

Robin tried to conjur up a magical illusion, but it disipated as soon as it hit the pale man.

“Pathetic. Want to know how many Goblins I’ve killed?” The creep said as he bared his fangs.

As Agnes and Robin prepared to run in the opposite direction they suddenly saw more pale figures emerging from the nearby alleys and even in some cases crawling down the sides of the nearest buildings.

To Be Continued

King Kong: Part 6

The smaller Raptors started to attack Kong first. Their great speed allowed the Dinosaurs to effortlessly dodge Kong’s strikes, and the more Kong kept missing, the angrier, less focused and clumsier his strikes became.

Whilst trying to strike one particularly bold Raptor that had jumped up and managed to slash Kong’s face with the claw on its foot, the giant gorilla stumbled over itself and landed face first on the ground.

It was at this point that the larger Raptors came in. Five of the Dinosaurs jumped onto Kong’s back and started to slash with the claws on their feet and tear massive chunks of flesh from his back with their strong jaws, with the largest going for his neck in particular.

Kong struggled to try and grab the Raptors, but they were too fast for him. He then tried to drop backwards and crush the Raptors under his back, but again the fleet footed Dinosaurs were able to escape. As soon as he landed on his back however, hordes more Dinosaurs jumped on Kong’s chest and started slashing and biting him.

One particularly large Raptor was able to slash at Kongs throat. In desperation Kong rolled himself forward, managing to crush 9 or so Raptors in the process.

As Kong hoisted himself back on his feet, the natives who were watching from their huts could see the great ape was covered in scratch and and bite marks, some of which were clearly very deep.

The Raptors again gathered round Kong, but this time the giant monkey grabbed a nearby massive tree and pulled it out from the ground. Kong swung the tree at the Raptors and managed to strike at least 20 more of the Dinosaurs. Though they were considerably faster than Kong, the length of the tree allowed him to reach the monsters before they even had a chance.

Only a dozen or so Raptors survived Kong’s attack and fled to the center village, but rather than simply escape they still stood their ground against Kong.

Several of the Raptors scattered to the side, whilst a few tried to hold Kong’s attention at the front. This was the tactic the monsters had always used to take down slow witted, large and powerful Dinosaurs, but Kong was wise to the Dinosaurs tricks and looked around him before hurling the tree at the Raptors in front. Only two were able to escape it in time.

Five Raptors in total from either side dogpiled on Kong at once. One particularly large Raptor tried to go for Kong’s eyes which caused him to focus most of his attention on it. The rest of Raptors meanwhile dug their claws in incredibly deep.

Eventually the pain became too much for Kong and he stumbled backwards into a nearby house, bringing it down. Fortunately the family had fled into the back garden as soon as Kong got near their house.

All of the Raptors started to go for Kong’s face now, except for the largest Raptor who again went for Kong’s throat and dug its sickle like claw deep in deep. Kong started to choke on his own blood as the raptor dug its claws in deeper.

Fortunately the father of the family from the house Kong had smashed reached for a large piece of rubble and with his wife’s help he was able to throw it at the Raptor on Kong’s throat, catching it off guard and knocking it off, before it could slice open his jugular.

Kong then grabbed the two Raptors over his eyes and crushed them into paste before hoisting himself up, after which he then stomped then Raptor that had been near his throat into the ground.

One of the Raptors then turn its attention to the family, but before it could pounce, Kong grabbed it from behind and bite the creature in half. The three remaining Raptors subsequently fled from the village.

After they were sure the Raptors were gone, the villagers all slowly emerged from their huts around Kong, nervous at first. After just a few seconds however they all started clapping and chanting “Kong” in praise of their saviour.

Kong beat his chest in a sign of triumph. The fight had taken a tremendous amount out of the giant ape, but fortunately the Raptors wounds weren’t serious.

Gerisian had never been more proud of her pet who was now the hero of her tribe. Unfortunately however there were a few members of the tribe who hadn’t forgotten why he was banished in the first place, and were less than eager to embrace the Kong as their saviour.

200 Years Later

William greeted the natives warmly.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you old friends.” He said with a smile on his face.

The Skull Islanders however all pointed their spears at William.

“Don’t any of you recognise me? I’ve not been away that long.”

“Yes we do. It seems you’ve come crawling back.” One of the natives at the back said.

“We warned you that there was nothing on the outside for you.”

“Well to be fair this island isn’t exactly anyone’s idea of a paradise is it? Still you were right. As horrifying as this place can be, this is the only place I have ever felt accepted.”

The natives lowered their spears whilst Daniel rolled his eyes in frustration.

“You remember the quickest way to the village.” The native asked.

“Unfortunately I do.”

“Why is that unfortunate?” Eva asked.

“It’s a cliff edge above a large cavern filled with, well Spiders, but much, much, much bigger spiders than you’re used to back home. They live in the darkest pits of the island and usually only feed on vermin, but if you’re unlucky enough to get to close to one of their pits, you’ve had it.” William said.

“The creatures tend to sleep during the day time” The natives leader added.

“Had you signaled us at night we wouldn’t have come for you.”

“Well thank you anyway.” William said.

“We must hurry, we don’t have much sunlight left.”

Hamish and the others had meanwhile become completely lost in the maze of rocks and caves on the outskirts of Skull Island. Hamish still had a vague idea of where they were going, but he had taken so many detours by now he almost felt like giving up. His team had lost a further three men to the Dimetrodons. Little did they know however they were being pursued by a far more dangerous predator. Their old ship mate, Peter.

Having managed to escape the Bat creatures, Peter had similarly become lost in the maze of the island at first, but he had managed to reach the massive cavern just ahead of the village and got a good feeling on his barings. Ironically it was thanks to the Bat that had dragged him considerably further inland that he had such a good head start on Hamish and the others.

He had spotted Hamish and his men from a distance and immediately made plans against them.

Even though he knew he would be lucky to last a day in this godforsaken place on his own, and he had no idea where William’s group had got too, he didn’t care.

He wanted to make the others pay for their betrayal. Deep down however perhaps Peter simply wanted to experience the rush he got from burning something one last time. He had never been more happy than when creating a fire and the betrayal was the perfect excuse in his twisted mind.

Peter followed his former ship mates for twenty minutes until he saw the right opportunity arise. Along the way he collected logs and bits of the old trees, and sticks, anything that would light.

Peter then ran ahead of his team mates and dropped a large chunk of debris at the very end of a long passage way they were about to walk down (as it was the only way forward.)

Using a box of matches he had kept with him since the break out, Peter set it ablaze. The smell of smoke drew Hamish and the others even closer as they felt it was a sign of the natives. Unfortunately by the time they reached the end of the passage and saw it was cut off, Peter had already managed to drop another pile of flaming debris at the other end, trapping the crooks.

Peter soon taunted his former ship mates from above as the smoke began to choke them.

“You thought you could just leave me to die. To be eaten by that thing?” He said whilst struggling not to laugh.

The walls on either side of the passage were far too steep for the criminals to climb up. Worse Peter started to throw the few flaming torches he had left down on their heads. He managed to set Hamish’s arm ablaze

“You maniac Peter” Hamish shouted up. “How do you expect to survive on this island without us?”

Peter wasn’t even listening however, he was in hysterics as the criminals tried to push the flaming mass out of the way, only for two of them to catch fire.

Peter’s joy was short lived however as he soon noticed in the distance four of the same winged creatures that had abducted him flying towards the passage, drawn by the flames. Peter ran as fast as he could in the other direction whilst the flying monsters made their way into the passage.

The smoke was so overwhelming however that even the monsters could barely stand to be in the passage. Hamish grabbed onto one of the monsters as it tried to fly away.

The monster struggled to shake him but as the smoke began to choke the beast it hurled itself upward with Hamish holding onto one of its legs.

Hamish looked down as the smoke from either side filled the passage way, trapping all of his men in between. Hamish also looked around for Peter. He so hoped one of the winged monsters had caught the little rat, but sadly the lunatic had managed to escape once again.

The bat creature started to kick at Hamish with its other foot, but he held on for dear life. Below he could see several Dimetrodon’s who had been drawn by the flames, though some of the sail backed monsters attention had turned to Hamish. Some where even standing up on their back legs and snapping at Hamish. The bat creature flew around in panic, but it wasn’t until another of the creatures grabbed Hamish that he was forced to let go.

The other bat dug its Talons straight into his flesh to the point where he couldn’t hold on another second.

The second Bat creature then dragged him along the ground until one of the Dimetrodon’s grabbed his arm in its jaws. A tug of war ensured between the Dimetrodon and the giant bat until eventually the Dimetrodon was able to pull both Hamish and the Bat to the ground. Before he could even attempt to flee, Hamish alongside the creature that had pulled him here were set upon by dozens of Dimetrodon’s who ripped them both to pieces.

Peter meanwhile had ran up ahead back to the massive cavern in front of the village. The only reason he hadn’t gone ahead was to make Hamish and the others pay.

As soon as he reached the cavern Peter could see some of the natives at the other end. He called out to them and they started to answer back.

Sadly he couldn’t hear them, but little did he know they were trying to warn him. Just below Peter’s shouting had alerted one of the creatures from the pit that was crawling up the side of the cavern in front of him.

To Be Continued

King Kong Part 5

Gerisian waited for Kong to do something, anything, but he simply stared at the woman who at one point, his entire world had revolved around.

She started to speak.

“Kong, Kong please listen to me. I don’t know how much you can understand, but please just follow me to the village, like you used to when we’d go on those walks. Do you remember?”

Kong growled again, so much so that Liassa screamed at him to put her mother down. Again however Gerisian shouted at her daughter to get back.

Kong dropped his foster mother and started to roar, knocking over a few more trees before slamming his fists down in front of Gerisian and Liassa as she ran to help her mother.

The giant monkey gave one last look at the two women before walking away through the forest. Gerisian didn’t give up however. She ran ahead in front of Kong, and stood her ground.

“Please, please Kong. Come with me to the village. They need you.” She signalled.

Kong roared again, but this time he flipped Gerisian over onto his shoulder and started to run through the woods, trampling them as he went.

“Slow down” Liassa shouted as she ran frantically after the gorilla.

Back at the village, the Raptors had decimated the last of its main line of defense.

All that was left were a few civilians who tried to hide in their huts from the ravenous Dinosaurs.

The Raptors had slowly been moving into the humans territory for a few years at first. The break up of the island was constantly pushing the Dinosaurs and other creatures further inland, making it harder and harder every year for the humans to survive.

There had been a few attacks on the village by some larger carnivores such as Allosaurus which had led to severe casualties, but the Raptors were ironically a far bigger danger.

They were far more numerous, and their greater intelligence meant that they were not as easy to lure into traps either.

Worse still whilst the Allosaurus would only occasionally turn to the humans as a source of food, when their normal prey was scarce. The Raptors it seemed were determined to utterly exterminate the humans from the area. The Raptors instinctively saw the humans as their main competition and were determined to hunt them down above all else.

The last of the tribe had virtually no way of defending themselves, as all of their weapons had been used in the last futile defense against the pack. All they could hope for was to remain hidden in their huts. Whilst they were cunning, the Raptors at the end of the day were just animals. The humans only hope would be too outthink them.

The Raptors however had a highly developed sense of smell and were able to trace some of the humans hiding in the huts. Some tried to barricade the door against the Raptors, whilst others hid under their bed, or even under the floorboards if they could as the Dinosaurs tried to break their way into people’s houses.

Some foolishly tried to run away whilst the Raptors were distracted, only to be pounced on by more of the creatures who had been waiting for them in the nearby woods.

Those who watched from the windows of their homes could do nothing. If they made even a sound the Raptors would find them too and rip them apart.

Suddenly several of the Raptors on the outer edges of the village were sent scurrying. As the trees started to collapse, a massive log came hurling into view, managing to crush two of the Raptors before they could flee.

Several of the villagers started to cheer from their homes, whilst others cowered when the creature responsible came charging into the center of the village. Kong, who was still carrying his “mother” Gerisian on his back.

The great ape roared as loud as he could to scatter the Dinosaurs, but instead not only did all the Raptors in the village turn their attention towards him, but dozens more emerged from the woods. In total there were over 40 Raptors. This was going to be a harder fight than either Gerisian, or even Kong had hoped.

200 years later

Peter tried to warn the others about the sound he had heard in the cave, but they ignored him. After his earlier behaviour none of them really had much time for him either way.

Unfortunately a hideous, winger creature soon started to hobble it’s way out of the cave. It was a gigantic, batlike animal, with a red furry body, massive fangs (some of which were broken) and completely white, blank eyes.

The creature stood over 10 feet tall and when it opened it’s wings they were over 40 feet wide. The creature gave a puzzled look at Peter who had completely frozen with terror, before spitting at him.

It’s spit was a thick, boiling, stinking green slime that stuck to Peter who instantly called out for help. Again the rest of the criminals didn’t pay him much attention, and those who did hurried up the hill anyway.

Peter walked back slowly, only to trip over a small rock, which startled the bat who let out a shriek, alerting the others above.

Hamish looked down at the monster and for a moment contemplated helping Peter. He picked up a large rock and prepared to drop it on the abomination’s head.

Unfortunately another one of the creatures soon came hobbling it’s way out of the cave too.

Hamish still held the rock up for a bit before deciding to just move on up the hill. He didn’t abandon Peter out of spite, but he felt that if he were to strike one of the monsters, it would draw the attention of the other who would then kill more of his men. He also didn’t know how many more of the bat’s there were. The fact that it was Peter however made it easier for Hamish to abandon him.

Peter screamed out for Hamish to help, and even tried to draw the Bats attention to his fellow convicts, by throwing stones at the hill, but the bats were too focused on Peter.

The first bat waved it’s massive wings in the air and spat at Peter again, before shooting up into the sky and grabbing him by the shoulders before he could run away. The creatures claws cut straight through Peter’s skin before lifting him into the air far above the hill the other crooks had now almost climbed.

The bat taking no notice of the others then flew across the landscape to another large mountain, though not as far away as the Wall, where it dropped Peter.

Below the mountain was a pit of the bones of humans, snatched from the nearby village, as well as other animals. The bats whilst nesting on the ground, would always choose a more secluded area to feed as the corpses of their victims may draw scavengers if they ate them at or near their nest.

The bat hovered over Peter for a few minutes as he got to his feet, before swooping down and clawing him across the chest.

Peter knew he couldn’t fight the monster so he tried to run down the mountain, but the bat instantly flew after him and dragged him back to the top. The monster was clearly having fun playing with it’s prey, which was a mistake on Skull Island, where the competition for food on the ever dwindling landmass was so fierce. Within a few minutes of the bat’s torture of Peter, another of it’s kind had spotted the spectacle and attempted to steal Peter away. It jumped the other Bat from behind, knocking it to the ground before trying to grab Peter by the legs.

The first bat however recovered and flew into the second one, sending them both hurling back through the air. The two beasts then bit and clawed at one another, whilst Peter seized his chance and ran despite his injuries down the mountain and into the graveyard below.

Peter then hid behind what looked like the ruins of an old temple at the very end of the mass of skeletons, some of which stall had bits of mangled, rotting flesh attached.

He waited for a few minutes until he was sure the Bats had gone. As he walked slowly through the graveyard, he could see one of the bats carrying the corpse of the other to the mountain where they had both attempted to devour him. It wouldn’t trouble him anymore.

After he had managed to get clear from the mountain, Peter took refuge in a small cave. It was small enough not to house any of those bat creatures, at least he hoped.

“Those bastards.” He said to himself as he tended to his wounds. None of them were deep or serious, but they were still excrutiating.

“I swear when I find those cowards I’ll kill every single one of them.” Peter didn’t even once consider the irony that they had all only been so willing to leave him because of his earlier actions. All he could think about was in making Hamish and the others pay.

“Ah this is the spot.” William said.

“What are you talking about.” Scarlett asked.

“We are just outside the village, but before we can go in I’ll need to light a signal for them to come and get us.”

“Isn’t that a little dangerous? The predators are all around here.” Daniel said in a worried tone.

“Trust me, in the last bit just before the village, we’d never make it through alive. A lot of the carnivores have gathered around the village. They see it as a great unconquered area, a source of food or I don’t know what, but the largest have set up shop there. Our only hope is to summon some of the natives to escort us through it. Fortunately I know the signal, but you’re right we’ll need to have a place to hide before they get here.”

After lighting a small fire, William and the others took refuge behind or in a small cave (there were over 30 in William’s team in total) and waited patiently for someone to come. There was a fight over who got to be in the cave, with the strongest managing to push the others out who had to hide behind some small bushes. William did make a few allowances, namely for Scarlett and Sarah, but other than that he didn’t care who was in the cave as long as he was. Daniel much to his annoyance was among those who was forced to stand behind a small bush.

Two hours passed, during which a few Dimetrodon’s came near the fire, as did a few large crab like creatures, before leaving.

Finally one of the giant bats came to land near the fire and seemed to wait patiently unlike the others who seemed to be just curious.

The bat it seemed had learned that this was a signal humans used to contact each other, or at the very least was man made and was waiting for any to show up.

Unfortunately for the bat however, another predator was thinking the same thing. A Gorgonopsid, the largest and most powerful meat eater on this part of the island, as well as one of the oldest.

The Gorgonopsid stood about six feet tall and was over 20 feet long. It looked like a gigantic reptillian, sabre tooth cat, though it was in fact older than either Mammals or Dinosaurs.

The Gorgonopsid had once been the apex predator of the entire island, but the arrival of giant meat eating Dinosaurs had pushed it to the outskirts.

The creature crept up slowly on it’s unsuspecting prey, but just as it prepared to jump forward, the bat suddenly flew up into the sky and landed on the Gorgonopsid’s back.

The Gorgonopsid tried to shake the bat creature off, but it held on with it’s massive talons and bit hard into the predators back, ripping out massive chunks of flesh.

The Gorgonopsid started to ram itself into a wall to get the creature off, but the bat quickly managed to fly out of reach of the predator and started to circle it.

The bat was too high and fast for the monster. It would periodically fly back down and deliver a flurry of bites and scratches to the ancient reptile’s back, but the Gorgonopsid was able to push itself against the bat, the next time it attacked. It didn’t try to bite the bat, instead the Goronopsid simply used it’s gigantic bulk to knock the bat through the air, sending it crashing to the ground.

Before the bat could get up, the Gorgonopsid grabbed it by the leg, which it broke in it’s jaws. It then hurled the bat over 20 feet in the air, until it smashed against the top of the cave William and the others were hiding in. The bat’s corpse then rolled from the top of the cave and dropped in front of it.

The Gorgonopsid quickly ran up to the bat’s body and growled at the people in the cave. It was worried they were going to steal it’s kill and went as far as to stick it’s head and upper body into the cave. It pushed the former prisoners back as far as they could go. Daniel couldn’t help but laugh at how they’d become trapped by the creature, but his joy was short lived, as barrage of spears from above soon pelted the Gorgonopside causing it to drop.

As soon as William and the others left the cave, they were greeted by the sight of 7 Skull Islanders, all wielding spears.

To Be Continued

Doctor Who Vs Scratchman: Part 14

Clue (1985) starring Tim Curry, Eileen Brennan, Madeline Kahn ...15 Groovy Facts About Bruce Campbell | Mental Floss

                                 Based on a story by Tom Baker and Ian Marter

Elena suddenly felt the ground beneath her feet give way. The small castle that she and that hideous abomination were hiding in began to fade away into nothing but darkness. In a last ditch attempt the mass of tormented souls that had been pursuing Elena tried to reach out and grab her, but she jumped into the black abyss that was appearing ahead of her.

Both she and the monster fell through an endless darkness as the last of the castle faded away into smoke.

For how long they fell, they weren’t sure. Time didn’t seem to exist in the abyss they found themselves in. In the very distance however, Elena could see what looked like a tiny window, in reality, it was the frame of the painting she had been pulled through. She pulled herself towards it as much as she could and though it seemed to get further and further away at first, just as all seemed lost she suddenly found herself right in front of the window frame and crawled through it. As the mutant looked back, she saw the abomination that had chased her falling through the endless darkness, not even attempting to flee. In the darkness it was finally free from Scratchman’s control, and unlike Elena, the monster had no desire to escape back into the hell it came from. In this darkness will was the only thing that mattered. As there was no space or matter, when Elena tried to use force to escape through the portal it didn’t work, but ironically as soon as the portal began to fade her terror made her will strong enough to be brought towards it.

The alien knew this, but didn’t care. An eternity through nothingness was still preferrable to a second under Scratchman’s cruelty.

In this void the pain and memories of what they had lost didn’t seem to bother the creature as it sank peacefully into the darkness.

Once Elena had made her way through the portal and back into Scratchman’s castle she started to think the monster had been right not to bother. All around her were hideous monstrosities who had crawled out of the paintings. Both Scratchman’s victims who had been twisted beyond all recognition, and their tormentors who had followed them, fighting and tearing at each other. The hall itself had also vanished and was now replaced by a massive cavern made from mangled flesh and bone. In the very distance Elena could see what looked like several creatures working together in torturing a Demon. It was in fact the Demon that Scratchman had left in control of the paintings, who had earlier captured Elena.

The creature pitifully begged it’s former victims to show clemency which of course fell on deaf ears. Just as before Elena wisely stayed out of the fighting and tried to make her way through the bloodbath to find the Doctor and Yarox.

The Doctor’s attack on Scratchman had only distracted him for a few minutes, but in that time his will was distracted his entire world, or rather what was left of it had been thrown out of order. Several pocket dimensions he had created, such as the paintings had collapsed, the structure of his castle had been stripped to it’s bare bones. (Literally. The foundation of the castle was made of the corpses of the billions Scratchman had slaughtered.)

Even outside his castle, the entire landscape had been ravaged. The land split open, and the lake of torment began to flood the land. The armies fighting outside Scratchman’s castle were swept away in a tidal wave, with only a few Harpies and some of Scratchman’s Demons managing to fly away.

The waves very nearly toppled the castle itself and burst through it’s foundations, flooding the inside. Elena was barely able to escape by climbing up a nearby wall, which she was able to do easily as many of the bones were sticking out of the walls.

She was one of the few survivors to crawl or fly to safety up the castle’s walls. As Elena looked down she saw all of the Demons and their former victims suffering together in the burning green waters as they were washed away.

Scratchman was able to save the Doctor and Yarox from being swept away by the flood as it broke through the walls into his room, by lifting them through the air with his telekinetic powers.

“I don’t know why you bothered” The Doctor said defiantly.

“I’m still not going to help you.”

“Oh I know Time Lord. I’ll have to find a way to break your machine instead. You are too dangerous to be allowed to live, but well I think a little dip in my lake is too good for you. Look at the trouble you’ve caused. I have even less time to make it out of this world now. No I think I have just the right punishment in mind for you.” Scratchman said as he slowly morphed back into his humanoid form.

Scratchman carried the two time travellers down a long hall that was flooded with the lake of the damned. Along the way several of Scratchman’s most loyal minions called out to him, but he didn’t listen.

When they finally reached the end of the hall it was a gigantic silver room, with a huge hole in the centre and monitor on the wall. The water it seemed was incapable of flowing into this area. It just stopped at the entrance.

Scratchman lowered himself to just beside the hole whilst he held the Doctor and his companion above it.

“You see Time Lord it is not just this universe that sustains me. Some of the previous realities I conquered I keep around as small pockets of existence like this one. I have too. I can never tell how long it will be before I overrun each universe. I’ve been trapped in this godforsaken reality for so long now however I’ve had to eat through most of my reserves. Still these are the last of the realities I claimed as my own. They are kept alive through a special supply of energy, even your little trick couldn’t hurt them. They sustain me.”

“Don’t worry though I wont just throw you in. Where’s the fun in that? Since I might not be getting out of this, I might as well enjoy myself don’t you think?”

Scratchman dropped the Doctor and Yarox into the hole. Below was a long, silver, yet dark corridor.

“This is a little anti climactic Harry?” The Doctor said.

A massive fire ball came hurling itself down one end of the corridor forcing the Doctor and Yarox to flee. As they ran further down the corridor, the roof suddenly disappeared.

Up above was nothing but blackness, but the Doctor and Yarox could hear screams and roars all around them. The fireball itself seemed to be screaming.

The Doctor and Yarox reached the end of the corridor where there was a portal, that looked like a hole in the ground, that led to one of Scratchman’s pocket dimensions.

The Doctor looked into the portal and saw a dimension that appeared to be nothing but a gigantic wasteland, with a huge tree in the middle. Several damned souls were trying to climb up the tree, which was covered in jagged, spiked branchses. The souls were cutting themselves on the branches the higher they climbed and were screaming, yet seemingly had no choice but to keep climbing.

“Ah you’ve reached the remains of one my favourite hell dimensions, you get the gist of the game now, if you can get out of my little maze I’ll let you go, well I’ll kill you quickly at least, well quicker than I would have. If not suffer in one of my many layers of hell.”

The Doctor helped Yarox to climb over the wall, after which Yarox then helped to pull the Doctor over, whilst the fire ball vanished down the hole into the hell universe below.

On the other side of the wall was another fire ball that forced the two time travellers to flee up the corridor.

“It’s like we’re trapped in some gigantic, nightmarish pinball machine.” The Doctor said.

As the Time Lord and his companion turned down the nearest corner, they saw a gigantic Iron Dog, with blood and flesh dripping from its fangs. The creature charged at the two time travellers, who both jumped to either side of the wall, narrowly dodging the abomination.

They then ran ahead of it together to the end of the corridor, which ended in three more corridors.

Picking one at random the Doctor and Yarox ran down the centre corridor, only for a gigantic fireball to come rolling down the other end.

“I really hate those things.” The Doctor said as he and Yarox ran back down the way.

When they reached the end of the centre corridor again, the Iron Dog was waiting for them. Roaring and hissing, as the Doctor tried to help Yarox climb over the wall, suddenly from above a gigantic griffin like creatures emerged from the darkness and grabbed the Doctor in it’s talons. Yarox tried to pull the Doctor back down, but the Dog pounced on Yarox. The Griffin carried the Doctor high above the maze, which was absolutely enormous web of corridors, filled with fire balls, creatures and other dangers.

The Griffin dragged the Doctor to another pit at the end of a corridor and dropped him down it. The Doctor however managed to hold on the edges of the hole as he fell.

Below he could see this pocket dimension, or layer of hell, was a gigantic lake of fire, over which there was a huge suspension bridge between two large cliffs. The Doctor could see that several people were being forced to walk from one end of the bridge to the other. Each time they crossed the bridge however hideous Griffin like creatures, similar to the monster that had brought the Doctor to the pit in the first place would attack them, and force most of them into the fire below.

The Doctor tried to crawl back up, but each time he did the Griffin would fly back down and claw at him.

Yarox meanwhile was able to wriggle free from the Iron Dog when it bit into his back as the creature (which stood over 7 feet tall) only grabbed a flap of his clothes which when he pulled it ripped, allowing him to then slide under the monster undetected.

Yarox then ran down the right of the 3 corridors. Once he reached the end of it he came across two large wooden doors without any handles. He tried to push them open, but suddenly the doors started to pull open at either side, revealing the two doors to be a mouth, filled with razor sharp teeth.

The mouth which dribbled green, acidic saliva started to snap shut furiously and moved down the corridor after Yarox. Unfortunately at the other end the Dog was already waiting for him. With nothing left to lose and in a rush of adrenaline, Yarox jumped at the Dog as it leaped at him. Grabbing onto it’s head, he jumped over the beasts head and onto it’s back.

Whilst it was distracted trying to shake him off, the Dog failed to notice the wooden mouth that charged at him. Within a few seconds the two doors lined with razor sharp teeth had closed around the Dog’s head, ripped it off and crushed it into powder. The two doors then crushed and consumed the rest of the animal, whilst Yarox made his way down the left corridor.

Elena meanwhile had managed to make her way to Scratchman’s control room. Crawling along the walls of the rapidly crumbling castle, she could see that the water stopped at the silver corridor and crawled along towards it. Once she was near enough she then jumped onto the metal corridor.

Elena could see Scratchman watching the Doctor and Yarox struggling in his twisted game on the massive computer screen. Scratchman was hysterical with laughter at the two time travllers plight.

Elena knew it was pointless to try and attack Scratchman. There was no way she could hurt him, and she’d probably vaporize herself if she touched him.

Even if she tried to help the Doctor then Scratchman would still see her on his monitor. Still she couldn’t just leave him dangling over one of Scratchman’s worst layers of hell.

Elena quickly jumped down the hole into the maze. There she ran down the corridor until the roof disappeared. She then seeing a fireball heading in her direction jumped up to the top of the wall beside her. It took her a few goes, and it was only on her last attempt before the fire ball reached her, that Elena managed to grab the top of the wall with her finger tips, and pull herself up before the fireball consumed her.

Balancing herself on the top of the thin wall, Elena looked all over the maze, which did resemble a gigantic pinball machine with giant flaming pinballs running down almost every corridor. In the distance she could see the Griffin hovering over the Doctor.

Wasting no time, Elena jumped from the top of one wall to another until she reached where the Doctor was. Catching the Griffin off guard with a powerful kick to the head, she managed to send it flying over the top of the nearest wall, before helping the Doctor up.

“Elena, I honestly thought I’d never see you again, then again, I didn’t think I’d ever seen anything again dangling over that abyss. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, where’s Yarox?”

“I don’t know we got separated in this overgrown pinball machine, come on we need to find him.”

The Griffin suddenly re-emerged from behind the wall furious causing both the Doctor and Elena to flee, though Elena was able to land a good kick onto the monsters chest first.

The Doctor and Elena both called out for Yarox across the maze.

“Doctor? Elena? You’re both alive. I’m over here. Two corridors down.” Yarox shouted.

Elena and the Doctor tried to run down the nearest corridor in Yarox’s direction, but it was blocked by two skeletons holding two shields with Scratchman’s human form on them, smiling.

Elena tried to kick the shield but she suffered an electric shock, whilst the Skeletons were unaffected. As the Doctor helped Elena up, he saw the Skeleton’s as well as Scratchman’s face on both shields laughing hysterically.

With the Griffin not far away, the Doctor and Elena realised that they didn’t have time to try and fight through the Skeleton’s and so the Doctor helped Elena over the wall, but on the other side was red water rather than a floor. Elena jumped over to the top of the wall on the other side, after helping the Doctor up.

Unfortunately when the Doctor prepared to jump over, a gigantic snake like creature emerged from the water. Hissing and snapping at the Doctor, Elena kicked the monster from behind, distracting it and allowing the Doctor to jump over, though he landed on his stomach over the wall. Whilst his feet dangled over the red water, another snake like creatures head began to emerge, but Elena pulled herself and the Doctor over to the other side before they could do anything.

As soon as they landed on the other side however, two fireballs from either direction came charging at them.

“Oh give us a break.” Elena said.

“I think you’ve forgotten where you are supposed to be”. Scratchman said.

Again the Doctor helped Elena up, but before she could return the favour, the Griffin returned and grabbed the Doctor.

A tug of war ensued with Elena only barely holding on to the Doctor. Fortunately the two fireballs below colliding caused a mine explosion which shook knocked the Doctor, Elena and the Griffin backwards.

The Doctor and Elena quickly ran down the nearest corridor, but at the end of it was another hole which led to a very different type of hell dimension.

This dimension was nothing more than a hideous swamp of black tar, though at the centre of the tar was a giant throne, atop which a massive Demon with horns and a pig like face sat.

“Erlik has been so desperate to torture the Time Lord in his swamp. Looks like he’ll get his wish after all” Scratchman laughed.

A fireball blocked off the way back, but the Griffin flew towards the Doctor and Elena.

In desperation the Doctor attacked the Griffin and grabbed it by the talons. Elena soon joined in and together the two of them were able to pull the Monster down for a few seconds before it flew away, with both still holding onto either claw.

Whilst the Griffin struggled to kick them away in the air, the Doctor got a good look around and saw Yarox running down a nearby corridor from another flaming ball.

He and Elena then jumped away from the Griffin and landed in front of Yarox.

“Doctor, Elena” he said with joy.

“We’ll talk later” the Doctor said as he ran away from the fireball.

The three time travellers ran down the long corridor, but on the right hand wall, the three were distracted by a what looked like a door to another one of Scratchman’s pocket dimensions.

The three saw a woman standing in the doorway, though to the three of them she appeared very differently. The Doctor saw her as a hideous Demonic hag, whilst Yarox saw her as the most stunningly beautiful woman he had ever seen with flame red hair, and piercing green eyes. Elena meanwhile saw a relatively ordinary woman.

The Doctor was the first to break out of the trance and quickly pulled his two companions out of it.

They soon reached the end of the corridor, which was another portal on the ground. This time it led to a version of hell that appeared to be nothing but a Frozen wasteland. As the Doctor prepared to help his two companions up the nearest wall again, the walls around them suddenly grew to over 60 feet tall.

“Not very sportsman like Harry” The Doctor said.

“Again I think you’ve forgotten who you were talking too? Be glad I gave you a chance for as long as I did.”

The Doctor and his two companions tried to push at the walls as hard as they could, but it was no use. As the fireball hurled towards them they had no choice but to jump through the portal into Scratchman’s frozen wasteland below.

Scratchman burst out laughing.

“Poor Doctor. If this had been any other time I would have given him more of a chance, but ah well time is short. He brought it on himself.”

Scratchman turned around causing the water flooding his castle to retreat and the walls to turn to fire again.

“Let’s just hope his little machine is smart enough to realise I don’t appreciate or respect stubborness.”

In the wasteland below the Doctor struggled to move the cold was so biting. His people the Time Lords could withstand the cold to a much greater extent than human beings, but even he was beginning to pass out. Around him Elena and Yarox were both completely unconscious.

“Elena, Yarox.” The Doctor said weakly. “Please, we have to move, find shelter or we, we” He collapsed face first into the snow.

To Be Continued

Royal Road Update

This is just a quick notification that all episodes of Professor Fang, and The Circus Master will be avaliable on Royal, and Booksie.

This will not impact my work here, as the stories will always be written here first and then transferred onto the other site.

Naturally I want to build my audience up, and so I will be posting them to as many sites as possible. This is just to let the other sites know that it is me who is publishing those stories and that there is no plagarism involved.

Why TV Tropes and Idioms Cannot Be Trusted

TV Tropes - SJWiki

TV Tropes and Idioms is a website that as it’s name would suggest, dissects tropes and storytelling devices. Initially it began as just a Buffy fansite, but soon expanded to analysing other tv shows, before moving onto analysing tropes from all forms of media.

The site much like wikipedia is supposed to be an impartial, non biased source of information.

It has a different section from it’s main articles called your mileage may vary, or YMMV for short where people can voice their opinions about things that not everyone might accept.

The site can be very informative and fun, and I don’t mean to badmouth everyone who contributes to it here. Still unfortunately my recent run in with the site demonstrates not only that it cannot be trusted, but also the degree to which people will try and rewrite the past to fit their own agenda.

I set up an account on TV Tropes a few months ago. It was just to correct some bad misinformation the site was spreading about the British Science Fiction series Doctor Who.

I felt the site was not only ridiculously biased against the Classic era, but also guilty of spreading some outright lies, primarily about the Doctors nemesis the Master.

For those of you unfamiliar, The Master was the Doctor’s archenemy, introduced in the Jon Pertwee era of the show.

In the classic era, the Master was depicted as having once been the Doctors friend, before they drifted apart.

The villain’s primary motivation was to conquer the galaxy because he believed under his rule he could make it a better place. (Not out of altruism, more his own gigantic ego.)

This is not just my opinion, this is an objective fact!

You can tell this just by watching the stories.

Here are some quotes from all the Classic era Masters stories.

Roger Delgado

MASTER: There, Miss Grant. I think we’ve seen the last of the Doctor. Buried for all time under the ruins of Atlantis. You know, I’m going to miss him.
JO: He’s not finished. I just know it.
MASTER: Of course he is.
JO: No, you’re the one who’s finished! Do you think that, that creature out there will ever let you control it?
MASTER: I do so already. He came when I called. You saw that yourself.
JO: Like a tiger comes when he hears a lamb bleating.
MASTER: Nicely put, my dear. You know, that was worthy of the late lamented Doctor himself. You know, I could kick myself for not having polished him off long ago. Just think of the future. Dominion over all time and all space. Absolute power forever. And no Doctor to ruin things for me.

MASTER: Now please, as I was telling you, the whole world can be ours. I only need two things. Your submission and your obedience to my will.
WINSTANLEY: What’s all this about obedience and submission? You said that we were going to rule.
MASTER: You rule? Ha! Why, you’re all less than dust beneath my feet!
WINSTANLEY: Preposterous!
MASTER: You choose to question me, do you? Very well, I’ll give you another choice. Obey me or I shall destroy you!
WINSTANLEY: If that’s your brave new world, you can keep it! I’m getting out of here and if the rest of you have got any sense, you’ll come with me.
THORPE: I reckon the Squire’s right. Come on, let’s get out of here.
(Up on the stair landing, the Master concentrates, and Bok jumps in through the window. The Master gestures and Bok makes Winstanley disappear.)
MASTER: Right, does anybody else agree with the Squire? Thank you. It does my heart good to know I have such a willing band of followers. Now, today is May Day. Go and enjoy yourselves. Celebrate the festival with your families. When I need you all, I shall summon you again.

AZAL: Speak!
MASTER: I am the Master. I called you here.
AZAL: That I know. Tell me why you now call me.
MASTER: Give me your knowledge and your power.
AZAL: Why?
MASTER: So that I may rule these primitives on Earth here, and help them to fulfill your plan.
AZAL: You are not one of their kind.
MASTER: No, I’m superior to them. That’s why I should be their leader.
AZAL: There is another here of your race.
MASTER: He has been destroyed.
AZAL: No, he lives. I would speak with him.
MASTER: I think not!
AZAL: Take care, creature! With your few pitiful grains of knowledge, you have summoned me here, but I am not your slave and you are not immortal.
MASTER: Forgive me, Mighty One, forgive me. Nevertheless, I claim that which is rightfully mine.
AZAL: Your mind is superior to mankind’s, and your will is stronger.
MASTER: Then I am to be your choice?
AZAL: I shall consider. Now leave.

AZAL: I answered your call because the time was come for my awakening. The time has come for the completion of the experiment or its destruction.
MASTER: Then fulfill your mission by granting the ultimate power to me. Who else is there strong enough to give these humans the leadership they need?
DOCTOR: I seem to remember somebody else speaking like that. What was the bounder’s name? Hitler. Yes, that’s right, Adolf Hitler. Or was it Genghis Khan?

DOCTOR: You’re going to use this weapon?
MASTER: Not unless it’s absolutely necessary. Well, don’t you see, Doctor? The very threat of its use could hold the galaxy to ransom.
DOCTOR: I think you’ve left it a trifle late.
MASTER: Doctor, you underrate me.

DOCTOR: So, you intend to hold the universe to ransom.
MASTER: Doctor, why don’t you come in with me? We’re both Time Lords, we’re both renegades. We could be masters of the galaxy! Think of it, Doctor, absolute power! Power for good. Why, you could reign benevolently, you could end wars, suffering, disease. We could save the universe.
DOCTOR: No, absolute power is evil.
MASTER: Consider carefully, Doctor. I’m offering you a half-share in the universe.

The Burned Master

MASTER: Rassilon’s discovery, all mine. I shall have supreme power over the universe. Master of all matter! Bwhahahaha!

Ainley Master

MASTER: You’re getting old, Doctor. Your will is weak. It’s time you regenerated.
DOCTOR: You won’t win, not ultimately.
MASTER: You’re mistaken. With Kamelion’s unique ability at my command, it’s only a matter of time before I undermine the key civilisations of the universe. Chaos will reign, and I shall be its emperor.
DOCTOR: Earth is a primitive planet. You won’t succeed so easily elsewhere.
MASTER: Where I cannot win by stealth, I shall destroy. That way I cannot fail to win.
DOCTOR: You’ll never succeed.
MASTER: Unfortunately, you will not be alive to find out. Which reminds me. My compressor.
DOCTOR: Safely in my Tardis.

MASTER: A turbulent time, Doctor, in Earth’s history.
DOCTOR: Not one of its most tranquil, I agree.
MASTER: A critical period.
DOCTOR: You could say that.
MASTER: Oh, I do. The beginning of a new era.
PERI: Doctor, do you get his drift?
DOCTOR: I’m afraid I do, Peri.
PERI: He wants to pervert history.
DOCTOR: Not that the Prince of Darkness here would see it as perversion.
MASTER: Maudlin claptrap. The talents of these geniuses should be harnessed to a superior vision. With their help, I could turn this insignificant planet into a power base unique in the universe.

The Master also has a pathological hatred of the Doctor too. It is true they were once friends, but their friendship in the Classic era was never that important to either of them.

Their former friendship is mentioned in a grand total of one episode, The Sea Devils. Here the Doctor does express some regret at the Master ending up the way he has, but it is never mentioned again.

The Master meanwhile in his first few stories is willing to form an alliance with the Doctor if need be. The Master does at that point genuinely think that when he rules the Galaxy, it will be a better place and so in his mind, the Doctor, a genius can help him build his better world.

Still he is willing to kill the Doctor from the start, and as time goes on the Master becomes obsessed with not only destroying the Doctor, but proving his superiority to him.

As the Master is a rampant egotist (who thinks he has the right to decide the future of the universe.) It would make sense that he would hate the Doctor, the man who challenges him more than anyone else.

Here again are quotes showing the Master’s intense hatred for the Doctor from Classic Who

DOCTOR: How do you know about them?
MASTER: Oh, from the Time Lord’s files.
DOCTOR: More stolen information?
MASTER: Naturally.
DOCTOR: Well, why do you want to contact them?
MASTER: Those reptiles, Doctor, were once the rulers of this Earth. And with my help, they can be so again. DOCTOR: I still don’t see why you want to help them. What can you possibly gain?
MASTER: The pleasure of seeing the human race exterminated, Doctor. The human race of which you are so fond. Believe me, that’ll be a reward in itself.


DOCTOR: But there’s no need for a war. Why can’t you share the planet?
SEA DEVIL: That would be impossible.
DOCTOR: The depths of the sea and those areas on Earth where man cannot live can be yours.
SEA DEVIL: And man would agree to that?
DOCTOR: There’s a chance. Wouldn’t it be better to try for a peace, than to launch yourself into a war that you cannot possibly win?
SEA DEVIL: I will consider what you have said.
DOCTOR: Let me return to the humans, and I will endeavour to make a peace for you.
SEA DEVIL: Perhaps it would be possible.
MASTER: No! The Doctor is your deadly enemy! He must be destroyed!

MASTER: You realise, of course, that you’re a doomed man, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Oh, I’m a dead man. I knew that as soon as I came through that door, so you’d better watch out. You see, I’ve nothing to lose, have I?
MASTER: Enough! Azal, destroy him!
AZAL: Who is this?!
MASTER: My enemy and yours, Azal. Destroy him!
AZAL: This is the one we spoke of. He too is not of this planet.
MASTER: He is a meddler and a fool.
AZAL: He is not a fool, yet he has done a foolish thing coming here. Why did you come?

Burned Master

The Master: Well?
Goth: The trial was adjourned, master. He pleaded Article Seventeen.
The Master: He remains as ingenious as ever.
Goth: He will not escape.
Master: Escape? Escape is not in his mind. Now he is hunting you.
Goth: It was a mistake to bring him here. We could have used anyone.
Master: No, we could not have used anyone. You do not understand hatred as I understand it. Only hate keeps me alive. Why else should I endure this pain? I must see the Doctor die in shame and dishonour. Yes, and I must destroy the Time Lords. Nothing else matters. Nothing!

MASTER: I have suffered long enough from your stupid, stubborn interference in my designs. Now we are coming to the end of our conflict, Doctor.
(Spandrell moves forward and the Master shoots him.)
DOCTOR: Why have you brought me here?
MASTER: As a scapegoat for the killing of the President. Who else but you, Doctor? So despicably good, so insufferably compassionate. I wanted you to die in ignominious shame and disgrace.

Ainley Master

MASTER: But this is the end, Doctor. You see it. It’s a power. A power from that planet. It’s growing within me. Are you frightened yet?
MASTER: You should be. You should be. It nearly beat me. Such a simple, brutal power. Just the power of tooth and claw. It nearly destroyed me, a Time Lord. But I won. I control that force, Doctor. And now, at last, I have the power to destroy you.

The Doctor for his part never showed a desire to redeem the Master, and certainly not to reconnect with him.

Apart from the Sea Devils, where he mentions regret at how the Master turns out, he never views him as anything but evil and makes several attempts on his life.

DOCTOR: You just don’t understand, do you, Jo? Once he gets that circuit back he’s free to roam through time and space. We’d never catch him.
JO: Then you’ll just have to give in. The Master’s got the missile and all we’ve got is this wretched machine.
DOCTOR: Jo, will you stop stating the obvious. What did you say?
JO: I said all we’ve got is this machine.
DOCTOR: Well, that’s it. That’s the answer. We’ve got the machine and we’ve got our friend, Barnham.
JO: I don’t understand.
DOCTOR: With a little help from you, old chap, we can destroy this machine and the Master at the same time.

DOCTOR: Well, how do you think I feel?
JO: Sorry.
DOCTOR: Yes. Here, have some coffee.
BRIGADIER: Well, at least we’re rid of the Keller machine, and the Master.
DOCTOR: Yes, we’ve probably killed off that machine all right, but I’m not so sure about the Master.
BRIGADIER: Well, even if he wasn’t killed, Doctor, he won’t get far if you’ve still got his circuit.


[The Master’s Tardis]

MASTER: Ah, Doctor. I was afraid you’d be worried about me, so I thought I’d let you know that I’m alive and well.

[Prison Governor’s office]

DOCTOR: I’m extremely sorry to hear that.

ENGIN: It’s we who should thank you, Doctor, for destroying the Master.
DOCTOR: Well, I didn’t actually see him fall, you know. I was quite busy.
ENGIN: Oh, but if by some miracle he survived the fall into that chasm, he was dying anyway.
DOCTOR: There was a good deal of power coming out of that monolith, and the Sash would have helped him to convert it.
SPANDRELL: Are you suggesting he survived?
DOCTOR: No, no, I hope not, Spandrell. And there’s no one in all the galaxies I’d say that about.The quintessence of evil. Goodbye, Spandrell.

It is true that Barry Letts and Terrance Dicks who created the Master intended for their to be a strong bond between the Master and the Doctor, but they intended to reveal that they were brothers. In what would have been Pertwee’s final story, we would not only have found out that the Master was the Doctors brother, but the Master would have redeemed himself to save the Doctors life.

Roger Delgado who played the first Master came up with the idea that the Master was the Doctors brother very early into his performance, and told it to the producers who liked it.

Jon Pertwee says as such on an extra included on the Planet of Spider’s DVD, whilst Barry Letts the co-creator of the Master backs this up on both the Planet of the Spiders extras and an extra on the Frontier in Space DVD.

Sadly the brothers idea was never realised as Roger Delgado was tragically killed in a car accident before his final story could be filmed. As a result there was never anything on screen to suggest a deeper bond between the Master and the Doctor.

John Nathan Turner who produced the show from 1980-1989 and was responsible for reintroducing the Master and casting Ainley, nevertheless always considered the Master and the Doctor to be brothers. Barry Letts had overseen John Nathan Turner’s first season as producer, and helped him reintroduce the character, so he filled JNT in on the characters backstory.

You can see Peter Davison who played the 5th Doctor admit that JNT believed them to be brothers and came close to revealing it on the Planet of Fire DVD.

Now in the 21st century Doctor Who series, the character of the Master was tampered with greatly by the producers, Russell T Davies and Steven Moffat.

They both favoured the ridiculous idea that the Master was so obsessed with the Doctor because he was in love with him. The Simm Master during the Davies era is at least attracted to the Doctor, whilst the female Master during the Moffat era passionately kisses the Doctor, and tells him frequently that her hearts belong to him. She also murders or tries to murder any attractive female friend of the doctor in jealous rages, and her entire plans revolve around winning him back.

Missy also abandons all of the Masters other time honoured traits, like his hypnotic powers, his main weapon the Tissue Compression Eliminator, his manipulative nature, and most jarring of all, his desire for power. (In her first story she gives up an indestructable Cyber army to win the Doctor back.)

The New Series Masters are basically totally different characters from the original Classic era Master. Sadly however TV Tropes and Idioms outright lied about the Classic era Masters history to try and make the two modern Masters (Missy most of all) fit in with the classic era versions.

The reason for this is because the Missy incarnation of the Master was more of a political statement than anything else. She was the first female Master, (and indeed the first on screen female version of a male Time Lord.) As a result there were people desperate to prove that a male/female Time Lord can be a success, to pave the way for a female Doctor. Not only would they praise her no matter what, but they would go as far as to say that she is similar to Roger Delgado’s Master, the original, to prove how seamless the transformation was.

Of course even trying to compare Missy’s version to Delgado’s is utterly laughable.

Delgado’s Master

MASTER: Well, Miss Grant, as an Earth poet once said, ‘My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure’. Come on, you fellows, let me out! Your Emperor is waiting to see me.


MISSY: Well, yes, of course it is. I mean, how would you ever find your glasses? Or the little girl’s room? And what if you kissed an ugly? 

Yeah they are really comparable.

On top of that the Moffat era commands a certain loyalty from fans to the point where they will defend him no matter what. (Even when the Capaldi era’s viewers were down at 2 million, he was still being praised as bringing Doctor Who to new heights of popularity.)

With this in mind then it’s no surprise that these types of fans wrote on Television Tropes and Idioms factual article about the Master, that the producers had always intended the Roger Delgado Master to be in love with the Doctor, and that there was underlying sexual tension between the Delgado Master and the Pertwee Doctor (I’ll give you a minute to laugh at that.)

They also wrote that the Delgado Masters only motivation was to spend as much time with the Doctor as he could, that he was a vicious psychopath who killed people for no reason, and that the Missy incarnation was more faithful to the original Master than any other.

All of these points were presented in the main article about the Master, not in the YMMV section. They were clearly included to try and make Missy fit in better with the Delgado Master.

Naturally as a fan of the original I wanted to edit this article to be more factual. I wrote in the the truth that the producers and creators of the character intended to make the Master and the Doctor brothers. I also wrote in the Delgado Master’s true motivations, (his desire to take over the universe, rather than to spend time with the Doctor.) I also wrote in how Missy eliminated all of the time honoured traits of the Masters character, such as his hypnosis, his intense hatred of the Doctor and his lust for power.

Again these are demonstrable facts, not just my opinion.

Here is a quote from the Ainley Master in Classic Who.

MASTER: The universe is hanging on a thread. A single recursive pulse down that cable and the CVE would close forever. Even a humble assistant could do it.
DOCTOR: You’re mad!
(The Master produces his weapon, then switches on the tape recorder to broadcast his message to the universe.)
MASTER [OC]: Peoples of the universe, please attend carefully. The message that follows is vital to the future of you all. The choice for you all is simple. A continued existence under my guidance, or total annihilation. At the time of speaking, the
DOCTOR: Blackmail.
MASTER: No, Doctor, I’m merely reporting the state of affairs. I have it in my power now to save them or destroy them.
DOCTOR: You’re utterly mad.

Now let’s look at Missy’s view of gaining power.

MISSY: Tiny bit pleased? Oh, go on, crack a smile. I want to see if your eyebrows drop off.
DOCTOR: All of this. All of it, just to give me an army?
MISSY: Well, I don’t need one, do I? Armies are for people who think they’re right. And nobody thinks they’re righter than you. Give a good man firepower, and he’ll never run out of people to kill.
DOCTOR: I don’t want an army!
MISSY: Well, that’s the trouble! Yes, you do! You’ve always wanted one! All those people suffering in the Dalek camps? Now you can save them. All those bad guys winning all the wars? Go and get the good guys back.

That’s a clear deviation from the character. If Missy were a man, nobody would disagree with my analysis that she is an in name only version, but again because she is a woman and written by Moffat then she get’s a free pass from certain fans.

My edits to the Master article were instantly taken out by a moderator with no explanation. So I put them back in again, only for them to be taken out. I put them back in again, stating clearly that my opinions were backed up by facts, and so the moderator banned me for supposedly being rude and starting an edit war.

I took up my issue on the forum only to be told that nobody cares about my opinions, (whilst also ironically being told that my behaviour was rude. Incidentally another edit I made to another article, pandering to the base simply describing the legit criticisms of the Jodie era for it’s politics were deleted, with the reason being given that I was a misogynist. Apparently that wasn’t rude.)

I brought up the fact that what I wrote about the Master and the Doctor originally having meant to be brothers wasn’t simply my opinion. I told the moderators that they can find interviews with the likes of Jon Pertwee, the creators of the character, and others like John Nathan Turner all conforming this on DVD’s of Classic stories such as Planet of the Spiders and Planet of Fire and Frontier in Space.

I was then told that it didn’t matter what the creators and writers of the classic era Master stories think. Apparently because there was a consensus among people on TV Tropes that there was always a romantic relationship between the Doctor and the Master, that’s how it had to be written.

I brought up that it’s absurd to ignore what the creators, people who played the role, and writers of the character for 20 years all said in favour of some fans thought, who came decades after the likes Delgado and Ainley and JNT had died. After that I was banned from the site forever. I can’t even read personal messages to my profile on the site now.

Here is the argument in full.

TV Tropes and Idioms Banned Users Discussion

With this in mind you can see how Television Tropes and Idioms cannot be trusted. They are actually willing to ignore what the people who made the character of the Master said, because it doesn’t fit in with their interpretations. Every page should be a YMMV page with this in mind. There should be no distinction.

This also shows you how dangerous Missy fans and SJW fans are to the brand. It’s not enough for them to take it over in the present. These “fans” have to take over and rewrite the entire history of the Doctor Who franchise.

Television Tropes and Idioms is a site that millions of people around the world read every year. It’s terrible if it spreads such blatant disinformation that can be easily disproved as facts. It starts with something fairly irrelevent like Doctor Who, a tv series, but if it is allowed to spread to other more important records and areas of information then it could be extremely dangerous.

Ironically I am reminded of a line from a Doctor Who story featuring the Master. “The truth is inconvenient, we’ll just have to adjust it.”

This behaviour needs called out now before it spreads to other factual sites. I can already imagine if I wanted to include it on wikipedia that Missy was an objective change from the Master’s character as they were originally intended to be brothers, it similarly being edited out and me being banned.

The actual history of the Master in the Classic era is being either erased, or changed beyond recognition because it doesn’t fit with the modern, politically motivated versions of the character.

Until TV Tropes and Idioms get’s their act together and makes it clear that they are not quite so biased, then they simply cannot be trusted. If they are willing to blatanly lie about this, what else are they lying about?

Roger Delgado: The Original Master and the Best - Doctor Who Talk

There’s that big woman that wants to shag the Doctor. Remember it doesn’t matter what Roger Delgado himself thought about the Master, only what a fan born decades after his death thinks for their own political agenda. At least according to TV Tropes.